tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post4990051585744871030..comments2023-10-20T07:27:30.939-04:00Comments on clueless but hopeful mama: My mahster baathroomclueless but hopeful mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11011524864788495788noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-86947252844335216462012-01-24T13:53:29.267-05:002012-01-24T13:53:29.267-05:00Gina- Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment!...Gina- Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment! It's given me a lot to think about and I agree with a lot of it. Philanthropy alone will not change it (though might some philanthropy be working toward permanent structure change?). I also think that we as a family can focus more on how we chose to live and how it affects others locally and globally.clueless but hopeful mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11011524864788495788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-42144188681418251852012-01-24T03:15:04.563-05:002012-01-24T03:15:04.563-05:00I've thought about this issue a lot but have n...I've thought about this issue a lot but have neither firm conclusions nor a plan. As Kate said, our middle class/upper middle class American life is so wealthy compared to the way that most other people live. But, quite frankly, the problems of poverty will NEVER be solved by philanthropy. For example, there is plenty of food for everyone on this planet to eat (and then some) but it is distributed inequitably by a corrupt system. No amount of donated money will change that. <br /><br />We donate sporadically to charity - both in time and in money and talk with the kids about it, but to be honest it is not a significant part of our budget. In this economy we don't feel that any of our money is truly "extra". And I refuse to feel guilty for wanting the best for my children. That's what any parent the world over wants. <br /><br />I honestly think that we can help the world just as much by being politically active, helping to build support structures in our own community, and living a more simple life. At our house the debate usually centers what we can eliminate buying/using that might exploit people and the environment rather than what money we can donate. <br /><br />And a bit off topic, but I love you a little bit for saying "But then I would have had to actually pick up a telephone and we all know that's just a crazy thing to do unless a gun is pointed to your head." I feel exactly the same way - which is why I currently have 11 unheard voicemails on my phone.Ginahttp://www.mendolo.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-35310457548525445362012-01-23T13:52:48.000-05:002012-01-23T13:52:48.000-05:00kate- You didn't offend me! I just think I di...kate- You didn't offend me! I just think I didn't do a good job summarizing the content of Catherine Newman's piece. <br />Kathi- I do think it's a good thing to not be hoarding any "extra" money. We should be investing it for the future, donating it or spending it to support the local economy. And yes, I will post pictures when (IF EVER) it is done!<br />Shannon- Thank you for your reasonable perspective on this post AND for the idea that Glennon's posts made you think of me. Her writing is so lovely, I take that as a huge compliment!clueless but hopeful mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11011524864788495788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-5013873723489388712012-01-22T17:53:10.396-05:002012-01-22T17:53:10.396-05:00I so relate to your struggles with this. I finally...I so relate to your struggles with this. I finally had to make peace with the fact that I will always feel guilty when I compare myself to the millions of others in the world who have so little. At one point it left me so completely paralize that I was utterly useless to anyone, so I decided that it was better to do what I could and still live my life (and it is a pretty modest life raising two kids on one income) in relative comfort so that I was still useful. I give an annual donation to an international aid organization as well as a small donation to several local women's and children's charities and offer a kind but firm, "I have already donated to my chosen charities but all the best to you in your efforts". It may not be enough to save the world, but in relative terms, I feel like I am doing my little bit financially, and will invest myself more fully (with my time) as soon as I have some time to give. I realized that for myself, trying to solve all the suffering I saw around me was impossible and debilitatingly depressing, so if I can help one, two, or even three people have a better life in some way, then my existence will have made some positive difference. I know it's not enough, but it's something. <br />ON another note... just want to share with you my latest discovery, in case you haven't found her yet: Glennon Melton's Huffington post article "Don't Carpe Diem" and her other article called "Friendly fire." They made me think of you. Her blog is called Momastery and is amazing. Another sensitive, kindred spirit sharing herself with the world.Shannonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-48232681699745895732012-01-20T00:25:20.904-05:002012-01-20T00:25:20.904-05:00I agree that having a plan is a good idea. I can&...I agree that having a plan is a good idea. I can't remember who I heard this from, but someone I know would make a list of all the charities they liked. And every year, they would pick who they would donate to, and that was pretty much it for the year. I'm sure there were valid and worthy organizations that arose after the big decision was made, and I'm sure some exceptions could be made in those cases as finances allow. But anytime they received calls from other agencies asking for donations, the answer was easy. "We've already decided on our philanthropic donations for the year, but if you send some information, I'd be glad to consider you for next year." We get an annoyingly large amount of those calls and I've used that response. It works well and stops them dead in their tracks. ;-) But I digress.<br /><br />I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to upgrade your bathroom. If you are feeling such guilt over it though, then choose nice but modest materials so it's an improvement over what was there but not over the top. And donate the rest of your budget to the charity of your choice. Win- win!scattered everywherehttp://scatteredeverywhere.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-21721416904717840732012-01-20T00:24:08.842-05:002012-01-20T00:24:08.842-05:00Find comfort in the fact that you are providing a ...Find comfort in the fact that you are providing a team of people with a job and helping their suppliers pay their employees. In this economy that is a good thing. Can't wait to see the pictures when it is all done!Kathinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-42803730831966386712012-01-19T15:28:20.116-05:002012-01-19T15:28:20.116-05:00To be clear - I didn't mean YOUR argument was ...To be clear - I didn't mean YOUR argument was specious. I hope I didn't offend you. I just meant that it's not exactly a question of deciding between yourself and other people. <br /><br />I struggle myself with trying to reign in materialistic tendencies - not only in myself, but also in my kids.katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00635522628470674084noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-88658712869788385612012-01-19T09:56:51.791-05:002012-01-19T09:56:51.791-05:00kate- First of all, I'm embarrassed to admit ...kate- First of all, I'm embarrassed to admit that I had to look up "specious" because I'm never sure of the exact definition. So. There's another strike against me!<br />I like your philosophy and I wish I could easily embrace it. <br />Sarah- Oh! I've missed your remodel! Have you posted about it? Must go check out your blog!<br />Stephanie- This is our problem: we don't have A Plan. We give money in spastic bursts, based on being moved by a specific plight or political issue and holidays/birthdays always bring a spasm of giving. WE NEED A PLAN. CLEARLY. Also? Please post about your remodel!<br />d e v a n- Let's both start A Plan!clueless but hopeful mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11011524864788495788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-89336414599963774552012-01-18T20:26:18.803-05:002012-01-18T20:26:18.803-05:00Oh, that could be said of so many things in life t...Oh, that could be said of so many things in life though... <br />I can't remember the last time we had "extra" money but we could certainly do a little better at giving to those less fortunate.d e v a nhttp://www.all-d.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-51137264556218275282012-01-18T18:51:51.215-05:002012-01-18T18:51:51.215-05:00Would you believe that JUST TODAY I contacted the ...Would you believe that JUST TODAY I contacted the first of manymanymany contractors who will be working on the garage demo/rebuild/mudroom/entry project we've been hoping to do? So the timing on this post is canny.<br /><br />Here's what we do: certain percentage of net income to charity every year, and we're increasing the percentage a point per year, too. I'm not saying that's "right" or "enough," but I think part of the solution is having A Plan, like, here's how much we feel we should spend on mortgage, travel, savings, charity, etc. and sticking to it. The amounts, of course, can always change.<br /><br />That reference to Partners in Health, though - I read the book Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder, which is all about the man who founded that organization, and I tell you, for weeks after, I thought, What am I even DOING with my life besides driving around suburbia in my expensive jeans? So I get this. I really, really do.Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14829879364698112444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-31551126242250213812012-01-18T16:16:51.481-05:002012-01-18T16:16:51.481-05:00Oh, that post got to me too! It was an untimely r...Oh, that post got to me too! It was an untimely read as well: we had just taken out a large sum from our savings to finally do this add-on (including a maahster baathroom!) that we've been talking about for five years and finally feel we actually need (I know, I know "need"!) rather than just want.<br />It is hard. It is icky, to look at pictures of dying children and then plunk down thousands of dollars for more square footage and an extra deep tub. <br />On the other hand, as kate mentions, where do you draw the line? Is having a second car ridiculous? Private school? Eating out, ever? What are and are not justifiable expenditures compared to the poverty faced by others at home and abroad?<br />I don't know. I just know that I feel strongly enough about wanting an extra bedroom and bathroom for our little family (especially as I'm still in the thick of this, the week of the chain reaction stomach flu!) that I can live with the guilt, I guess.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07141742419364168878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1471353673045800301.post-37909136414419737222012-01-18T14:54:29.517-05:002012-01-18T14:54:29.517-05:00It's kind of a specious argument though, becau...It's kind of a specious argument though, because "extra" can be defined in so many ways. Is having cable really worth someone letting their child die from hunger? How about a car? Can you get by without a car, take public transportation and donate that money to charity? Where is the line between what you need and what you want?<br /><br />My personal philosophy is to dedicate a certain amount of money to charity and to increase that amount of money as I make more, etc. And then I spend my not-charity funds in various ways, which could include a bathroom remodel or a vacation. If I get my hands on extra money, it could go either way, depending on what moves me, but I don't really feel guilty about spending money on myself.katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00635522628470674084noreply@blogger.com