Dear Z,
You are a first child and I am a second child, so I'm not sure I totally get you. This is clearly an impediment to me really understanding you.
I watch as grown-ups often ignore you and go nutso over your baby sister and I am struck by the fact that I never experienced that. Every time you are ignored as people go bonkers over your baby sister, I see your face harden. This somehow softens me.
I watch you watch your sister with sidelong, wary glances. You want a playmate but she's too delicate. You want me to yourself but she's always around. You want to play with your toys in peace but she's always in your face, grabbing at your toys, climbing in your lap. You want to squash her but you know that results in your immediate banishment. You sometimes do it anyway.
I am constantly searching for empathy and I work hard to imagine what it must be like for you as an older sister since I just don't know.
I tell you often that I always wanted a baby sister and it's true. I tell you often how you're a great big sister and E is lucky to have you and it's true.
Sometimes I wish that I could tell you I know exactly how you feel. But I can't because I don't.
love,
Your Clueless But Hopeful Mama
---------------------------
Dear E,
You are a second child and so am I, so I'm sure I totally get you. This is clearly an impediment to me really understanding you.
When I watch you with your sister, I can't help but immediately empathize with your plight. You are always looking up, reaching up, following, wanting what you can't have but it's right in front of you. When I put you down on the floor and your sister is nearby, you immediately crawl over to where she is. You want to be with her, do what she's doing, play with what she's playing with, or should I say teethe whatever she's playing with.
I remember this feeling. I remember following my brother around, desperate to do what he was doing. It seems to me that being a second child is defined by following and reaching but never quite getting what you want. Or maybe that's just you, today, at this moment. Or maybe that's just me, in my head.
I am constantly searching for true empathy for you, the ability to put aside my own memories of being a baby sister so that I can really see you. I try to understand you as a baby sister, have an open mind and imagine what it must be like for you, since I just don't know.
Sometimes I think I know exactly how you feel, but I don't.
Love,
Your Clueless But Hopeful Mama
