3:52 pm. Jump over toys strewn on floor while simultaneously placing water glass down on table after hearing "Mommy! I need to poop!" over the monitor.
4:08 pm. Spend yet another eternity wrestling over the potty sticker chart (Why oh why did we think this was a good idea? Stickers can entertain this child for HOURS. ON THE POTTY.) while doing Kegels to keep myself busy as well as keep my own pathetic bladder patient, and PLEASE GOD obedient, while waiting for my turn on the potty.
4:31 pm. Place Zoe on the counter and keep one hand on her while we add eggs, water and oil to the mix (Trader Joe's pumpkin bread/muffin mix. YUM.) and allow her to "stir". Place muffins in oven while managing the toddler's escalating tantrum on the floor about wanting to "break eggs BY SELF".
4:52 pm. DRAG Sweet Dog outside to
4:58 pm. Remember I was supposed to set a timer for the muffins but I am now up to my elbows in wet dog hair and oatmeal shampoo. Glance at my watch and vow to check on them in 5 minutes. Talk a whiny, crying Zoe through drying her legs with a nearby towel because Sweet Dog has already shaken on her.
5:07 pm. Was that 5 minutes?
5:08 pm. Muffins are done! Explain several times why we cannot immediately eat one just yet even though we "WANT ONE RIGHT NOW". When logic fails to convince her, cut one open to show the steam rising and allow it to cool off sooner. Quickly find out that it's now RUINED because she "wanted it WHOLE". (All while listening guiltily to the soaking, oatmeal-y Sweet Dog whine pathetically from the backyard where she is shivering to death, though it's 9o degrees).
5:16 pm. Sweet Dog has been rinsed. Towel off Sweet Dog with one hand while stuffing half a pumpkin muffin in my mouth. Realize that hands are still covered with wet dog hair. *SIGH*