I like to think that I don't get too caught up in where Z is on "the charts" but I'm afraid a few things have tripped me up.
I vacillated between being really proud and kinda freaked out that she was such a big infant. How big, you say? How about 95th percentile for weight and height, thank you very much. Like that means anything to anyone besides another mother with a same aged child?! Why do I even remember that? I certainly hope it's a question on her college applications (you know, which she'll probably just beam from her brain to the million-dollar-costing institution of her choice) so that it can actually come in handy some day. She has slowly slid down the chart to her current, I-eat-only-fruit size-- average in height and weight. That is sometimes satisfying ("She's NORMAL!") and other times annoying ("WTF? She's no longer EXCEPTIONAL!").
Because of those damned charts, I got very caught up in her "late" crawling. Actually, her non-existent crawling. She went from sitting (late, according to the charts), to the monkey shuffle (a lovely one foot/one knee form of locomotion) to walking. Now she runs like Paris Hilton after some publicity so I'd say she shows no ill effects from her stunted development.
Then there's her "late" talking. She uses a lot of signs but her verbal words have been a bit slower (Bite me, judgmental non-signers. I refuse to believe that the signing has made her talk less.) Right now, she says "Z" ("oeoeoe"), "Mama", "Daddy", and the only thing closer to her heart than her parents-- "cheese" ("chhhhsssss").
My mom was obviously a crappy mom: she didn't know what percentile I was for anything and thinks the charts are silly. She's sure I did just fine on my milestones but she's not really clear on when I met them. But without charts, HOW COULD SHE KNOW?? (Hi Mom. That's me using sarcasm. Yes, I know I'm not licensed to use it given my strict adherence to literal sincerity but I thought I'd give it a try.)
I'm sure these charts and milestones are important to use as a way to intervene early when there is a kid who is having serious delays (*knocking wood, crossing fingers, tossing salt*) but what about for the rest of them who grow and develop at different rates and in different ways? How can we not get caught up in the milestone madness when it's jammed down our throats as THE measure of parenting success?
I just borrowed "What to Expect the Toddler Years" from the library (an afternoon spent organizing our overflowing bookshelves has a strange way of keeping me from my weekly Amazon splurge). Their charts are more to my liking. They stroke my ego. At 17 months your child "may even be able to" (italics added by my ego): build a tower of 4 cubes (check!), identify 2 items in picture by pointing (check!!), combine words (okay fine, my ego quickly moves past that one), throw ball overhand (kind of! how about a half a check!?), speak and be understood half the time (with only about 2 words but, check!!)
Why our child is positively advanced! Surely we are skillful parents and she will go on to a life of greatness. Right?
4 comments:
I don't even bother asking my mom anymore. She doesn't remember jack shit.
I know, those "may EVEN be able to..." deals make it seem like child=GENIUS!
Hey Jen, you I wouldn't want you to let me down by NOT replying to this! Frankly,your sarcasm s***s. I hardly recognize that voice in you since it is so unfamiliar.
Do you want to know what I think? You already do - and THAT is that those charts are specially designed to make crazy people out of parents. Us moms remember nothing because we always knew you guys would turn out just fine, thank you very much, and we were right! And, besides, there was nothing to remember because we gave birth to you so LONG AGO that the percentages (which probably existed somewhere) were hidden from view.Something to be said for that, I do believe - like not revealing percentages unless not knowing them would adversely effect the health and development of your child. I would have gone screaming nuts if I had known these "facts" and think it's unfair to you that you have this "information". You will see that this DOES NOT matter!!
I tried asking my mom, but she just tells stories about how I survived her going out to eat while we took our afternoon naps, driving in cars without carseats, and nothing being child proof.
HAHAHA.
yeah what is it these days. I feel like I've been taught by current 'mommy culture standards' to be complete fearful NUTCASES-- full of worries and concerns that our mothers NEVER had to deal with. amongst the playground chatter i OFTEN hear moms sitting in circles madly comparing what % their baby is. I nearly went through a mild depression when i found P had gone from 95% in weight to 50%. The mild dip made me feel like my child was not just having a small change in weight but rather that she was nmalnourished and that i was the worst mother in the world for 'allowing her' to be so 'skinny'. oof.
This same paranoia is what makes me fear the WORST with every piece of metal P tries to mouth (is there LEAD IN THAT!?!?!?), with every wood chip that goes in the mouth (WHERE HAS THAT WOOD CHIP BEEN?), oh the list goes on.
The generation before us had a much more 'kids are tough' mentality which i always have to keep reminding myself of before i contemplate whether phoebe needs yet ANOTHER blood lead test. I stopped reading parenting magazines as often because i feel like all the ads are driven on panic and fear and lots of the articles use scare tactics to make me just worry MORE about 'surviving' parenthood rather than 'THRIVING' in parenthood.
how we sleep at night is beyond me. it's WONDERFUL there is a wealth of information and that moms and dads have such an involvement in the health and well being of their fragile babes, but it can get so overwhelming! there is a delicate balance between concern and paranoia... i'll let you know if i find it. ;)
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