The toast I didn't give at my friends' wedding

B and D, I've loved watching you two tonight. You always seem to be touching in at least two places at all times. Your eyes and lips and fingers and elbow creases find each other magically, magnetically, effortlessly. Your joyful grins spring forth as if from inexhaustible wells and, while I know that is just who you both intrinsically are, I also remember what it it felt like to be so happy that a grin wasn't big enough, to feel sore from smiling at, and because of the incredible existence of, your beloved. I'm so happy for you that you found one another, that you are getting to experience this moment of exploding possibility and deep connection.

I also imagine that there may be other moments in your future. Moments when this connection might feel like a distant memory. Moments when maybe B's up all night, every night, with a teething baby and D's putting in long hours at work and has a cold that no one wants to spread and so you go days, maybe even weeks, without kissing or sleeping in the same bed or touching. It may be hard to imagine now, but disconnection happens so easily, so fast.

One day, in the midst of exhaustion and tedium and your third load of daily laundry, you might find that it's just so much easier to turn away from one another. To start to build walls behind which you can retreat, launch ammunition and be right.

That is, of course, the exact moment you must turn toward each other. You must dare to be vulnerable. Dare to be wrong. Dare to be connected even when the connection hurts and you don't know how to make things better. Dare to say, "I love you and I want to make this better. What do you need? What can I do?"

I've been married for almost eight years and the only thing I know for sure is that it starts there. It always starts with what you can do.

You are embarking on an incredible journey together. May your path be smooth and may you easily find each other's hands when the path gets bumpy. May your days rarely be dark and may you light the way for one another when it is. May your well of connection run deep and may you be strong and brave and generous when the well runs temporarily dry. May your footsteps always come back into synch when life- random, imperfect, unpredictable life- pushes them apart.

May you one day, just when you need it, go to a wedding so full of love that it makes you remember your own joyful connection.

To the journey of marriage! To love! To B and D!

(To us!)


B said...

Beautiful! And you guys look great- you went with the pink dress!

Hillary said...

Pretty shoes!
And the toast was lovely as well

GratefulTwinMom said...

Love the dress and shoes together. Pretty combination. And you're right. It is all about what you can do together. Just like you said in your Father's Day post. You've got it right, mama!

Marie Green said...

Oh so lovely... and as always, spot on. Perfectly said.

Existential Waitress said...

So beautiful.

parkingathome said...

That vulnerable part is SO HARD. It's so much easier to say, "You should have done___" than, "What can I do?"

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