I decided to celebrate World Breastfeeding Week by weaning E.
Well, okay, E's weaning just happened to coincide with WBW, and I had very little to do with it.
E weaned just like Z. She just started to totally lose interest and I found myself forcing her to nurse at times. Finally I wised up, stopped struggling to get her to focus and just didn't offer if she didn't seem interested. Over the last few weeks, she rarely asked for it and my milk promptly dried up.
It's been predictably sad, if only because weaning my babes seems to send me into a bit of a hormonal sinkhole. As usual, it's impossible to parse out what's hormonal and what's situational. We've had enough situational sadness to go around here, random Mommy tears are met with shrugging acceptance from Z who's grown startlingly accustomed to them.
I feel like a former cigarette smoker who needs to find a way to relax without the hourly cig break. Is there some kind of step-down patch that will release ever decreasing amounts of the breastfeeding relaxation chemical oxytocin like a Nicotene patch?? I need one. I should make one! IMMA BE A MILLIONAIRE!
How about a chewing gum a la Nicorette? "Breastorette"? BAM, MY SECOND MILLION$.
Whether it was due to the release of brain chemicals or something else entirely, nursing E was often my favorite activity of my day. I simply loved nursing and will miss its quiet, focused, warm, purposeful, snuggly, connected moments. It is odd to think that I will never nurse a baby ever again in my life (cue dramatic string solo) and I know I will always count nursing as one of the best parts of mothering these girls as babies.
Now I must build a new habit around taking breaks and taking deep breaths without the excuse of a baby who needs to nurse. I need to create ways to snuggle with her even though most of the time she's ready to launch herself out of my arms from the moment her eyes open in the morning.
At least I have a better mindset today than when Z weaned. I know I am losing something with the end of nursing E. But having two kids has given me the tiniest sliver of perspective: there are more doors opening that are just as wonderful in whole new ways. E's starting to sign and talk and become this true little independent person. Her dependence on me falls away in bits and pieces and though I am sad to see her baby-ness go, I relish what is to come.
Even though it comes with a set of bras for me marked "Nearly A".