I decided to celebrate World Breastfeeding Week by weaning E.
Well, okay, E's weaning just happened to coincide with WBW, and I had very little to do with it.
E weaned just like Z. She just started to totally lose interest and I found myself forcing her to nurse at times. Finally I wised up, stopped struggling to get her to focus and just didn't offer if she didn't seem interested. Over the last few weeks, she rarely asked for it and my milk promptly dried up.
It's been predictably sad, if only because weaning my babes seems to send me into a bit of a hormonal sinkhole. As usual, it's impossible to parse out what's hormonal and what's situational. We've had enough situational sadness to go around here, random Mommy tears are met with shrugging acceptance from Z who's grown startlingly accustomed to them.
I feel like a former cigarette smoker who needs to find a way to relax without the hourly cig break. Is there some kind of step-down patch that will release ever decreasing amounts of the breastfeeding relaxation chemical oxytocin like a Nicotene patch?? I need one. I should make one! IMMA BE A MILLIONAIRE!
How about a chewing gum a la Nicorette? "Breastorette"? BAM, MY SECOND MILLION$.
Whether it was due to the release of brain chemicals or something else entirely, nursing E was often my favorite activity of my day. I simply loved nursing and will miss its quiet, focused, warm, purposeful, snuggly, connected moments. It is odd to think that I will never nurse a baby ever again in my life (cue dramatic string solo) and I know I will always count nursing as one of the best parts of mothering these girls as babies.
Now I must build a new habit around taking breaks and taking deep breaths without the excuse of a baby who needs to nurse. I need to create ways to snuggle with her even though most of the time she's ready to launch herself out of my arms from the moment her eyes open in the morning.
At least I have a better mindset today than when Z weaned. I know I am losing something with the end of nursing E. But having two kids has given me the tiniest sliver of perspective: there are more doors opening that are just as wonderful in whole new ways. E's starting to sign and talk and become this true little independent person. Her dependence on me falls away in bits and pieces and though I am sad to see her baby-ness go, I relish what is to come.
Even though it comes with a set of bras for me marked "Nearly A".
8 comments:
I have been wondering the same thing about weaning The Lad. We're not there yet, I think, but I can see it coming every time he pulls off and strains away to watch his brother. And I love nursing. I didn't expect to, but I do. I love how present it makes me. I love snuggling him. I would totally buy your patch.
Oh, Marin weaned like that. I so wanted her to keep nursing, but since I hit a wall with her sisters I knew I should let her wean on her own. If I lured her back, only to then hit a wall in 3,6,10 months that would not be fair to her, right?
I still miss it. (I should really have one more baby, right?)
I remember that sudden change: not only was I not getting that built-in forced break every couple of hours, but I had to REMIND myself to snuggle the baby because HE wasn't getting that built-in snuggle break every couple of hours! It's a weird adjustment.
Also, I go totally batsmack crazy when I wean.
I was a wreck when I weaned Peanut. Wreck. Couldn't stop crying even though I had been looking forward to the end of pumping at work.
I would totally have bought stick in Breastorette.
I weaned Lilah 2 and a half months ago and I'm still a little sad sometimes. Although, like you, I am loving that she is a little person now!
Letting go of the baby-ness while relishing what is to come is one of the best parts of this post. It's hard to see children in the "right now" sometimes. "Breastorette" sounds pretty good. Maybe they'd make a version for us older mommies called "Perimenopausette."
I think Egg is weaned and I still have milk for at least several thirsty babies. I'm hoping that soon they will dry up & I can go back to my lil boobies. I missed them.
I think I'm a little envious. I know I'm going to be sad, but I'm also feeling a little worn out by the late-night feedings. It's been such a long time since I slept more than 4 hours. And my little one shows NO interest in weaning at all (and she's a month older than your munchkin).
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