The annual year-end recap

This is my third year doing Sundry's year end recap. If you care, here's 2008 and 2009.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Watched my child lick an airplane toilet seat.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Last year I made a single word vow: SLOW and called it my Doomed Personal Initiative 2010. It was helpful and difficult and I will be attempting to move slower and be more present for the rest of my life.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Two college friends JUST had their babies. YAY!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, sadly, we lost both my father-in-law and my cousin suddenly this year. It was a rotten year, in terms of loss. We're hoping for a reprieve in 2011.

5. What countries did you visit?

Sadly, none, though we have plans for a big family trip to Jamaica in February!

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

This is what I said last year: "A sense of connectedness to my new life here in VA. A really good friend here who I can call up and cry/giggle/kvetch with."

I now have have one great friend who I can call and cry/giggle/kvetch with. I'm still searching for that elusive "sense of connectedness". I would love to feel more like a "Virginian". I want this house, this town, this state to be my home and I know that just takes time and effort.

I want to feel part of a community.

I want to feel like I belong.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

July 6th, 2010, the day my father-in-law suffered an aortic dissection. The next day, instead of me flying to Massachusetts for my cousin's funeral, CG flew to Arizona to be with his father for the last time.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Accepting that all my hard work, all my daily efforts, were not enough to keep me on an even keel. Acknowledging that I was not the parent, or person, I wanted to be and starting to take an antidepressant. It was a big step for me. And the right one.

(It's been two months. I didn't mention it before now because... I wasn't ready I guess.)

9. What was your biggest failure?

It is always the same: losing my temper. Each and every time it happens I think: who is this monster?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing major for me this year, though my body feels older, sag-ier and creak-ier with each passing year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I'm thrilled by the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell (one of the worst legacies of the Clinton administration, IMO).

Jon Stewart, especially for the Rally to Restore Sanity and his championing of the First Responders Bill.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I'm sorry to get all political on you but what has happened to John McCain? Is this really the legacy he wants to leave behind?

14. Where did most of your money go?

Mortgage, insurances, preschool, Wegmans, Target. (and, I will shamefully admit, Amazon. Amazon prime has been my downfall. It's just too easy and fast to get everything and ... I'm lazy.)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The girls. Oh, the girls. They are starting to really and truly play together and the love is so there and WOW. It blows me away.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Cee Lo Green, "F%ck you". I sing it at top volume and think about my dad's cancer.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Oh, I'm definitely happier. E is sleeping better, for starters. Well, I can actually pretty much start AND stop there because I become someone I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley when I don't get enough sleep.
b) thinner or fatter? um. Same?
c) richer or poorer? Same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Here's what I said the last two years: "Danced. Cooked. Gardened. Hugged. Written letters. Made phone calls. Reached out."

I am cooking real food more and we started our garden bed this year. I hug the girls as often as they'll let me and my husband as often as we remember that we're living, breathing human beings who love each other, not just snack-procurement/bottom-wiping machines. I still want to reach out more to the people I love, make phone calls, write letters. And make new friends in VA. As an anxious but needy introvert, it's not easy to get my relationship fill.

And doing more dancing has proven to be a big problem. Z and E aren't into dance parties at the moment (Well, not my free-form dance parties. Z wants to hang on me, E wants to be up in my arms and that kind of dancing isn't really dancing.) and not enough people are getting married to quench my hunger for the dance floor. I think the single worst part about moving to a small, rural town is that there is NO place to go out dancing at a club - let alone take an adult modern dance class -in a 50 mile radius.) (Unless you count seedy biker bars with jukeboxes.) (Which I don't.)

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Same as last year: "Lost my temper. Curled inward instead of reaching outward."

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Here, in Arizona, with my husband's family, desperately trying to reconcile the shrieks of joy from the girls and the sad cloud of grief that lingers over a holiday when someone you love is missing.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Not with anyone new.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

We've watched so little TV this year. Like almost none. And I'm not sure if that's something I'm proud of or depressed by.

But we always watch Mad Men. And we're getting ready for Big Love.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I don't really go for the word "hate".

24. What was the best book you read?

Oh this is so hard. I simply cannot chose just one.

Best literary fiction: a tie between "A Visit From the Goon Squad" by Jennifer Egan and "Olive Kitteredge" by Elizabeth Strout.

Best romantic romp: "One Day" by David Nicholls

Best feel good read: "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" by Mary Ann Shaffer.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I'm always about three years behind every trend (I just bought my first pair of skinny jeans.) (I hate the term "skinny jeans".) so I am delighting in Cee Lo Green at the moment.

26. What did you want and get?

A weekend away with my husband.

27. What did you want and not get?

My dad to be completely clear of cancer. Fucking cancer.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Dude. I saw NOTHING this year. (For anyone who wonders how I read so many books this year: THIS IS HOW. I don't watch TV or movies. AT ALL.) Thinking carefully (and looking up the top 50 movies of the year) I think I can safely say I saw exactly one of them: Toy Story 3. Which was cute, I guess. (LAME.) (MUST SEE SOME MOVIES.)

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 38 this year and spent it at home with family. It was simple and wonderful.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not losing any family members.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

So Far From The Juniors Section, It Isn't Even Funny.

32. What kept you sane?

Quiet time spent not cooking, cleaning, emailing or folding laundry. Quiet time that was truly quiet (usually). It all made sense after reading "The Highly Sensitive Person" this summer. I need significant down time, alone time, quiet time, every day. If I don't get it, I lash out. Giving myself that time was amazing. I always lay on my bed. Sometimes I slept, but more often than not I read. And was inspired.

Then, of course, I have to give a shout out to SSRIs.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

My thing for Paul Rudd continues unabated.

And my thing for Jon Stewart has grown.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Marriage equality/DADT.

35. Who did you miss?

My father-in-law.

My cousin.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

My newly medicated self.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

Taking antidepressants doesn't mean you're weak or crazy or stupid. In fact, in can be the strongest, sanest, smartest thing you've done in a long time.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late at night. You are your own worst enemy. You'll never win the fight."- Ingrid Michaelson, Parachute.


Marie Green said...

Oh, I'm SO GLAD you gave the ol' SSRI's a chance. I've been there- in resistance/denial mode- for far too long, especially when the solution is so simple. And obvious. (To everyone but me, anyway.) Good for you, and cheers for yet another person helping to take away the (stupid, unnecessary) stigma associated with it.

Also, I'm so glad you've got a good friend there! That's a GREAT step in making VA your home. A HUGE step.

You're one of my favorite, btw. I'd love to meet you some day. I think "meet a blogging friend" is making my official 2011 To Do list.

GratefulTwinMom said...

Great list! I agree with Marie; SSRI's are a godsend because depression is so debilitating. So glad you're feeling better.

Your loss was profound in 2010. May 2011 bring you much joy to counter that.

Can't wait for the girls to get old enough to join you in the free-form dance party. I LOVE doing that with my kids; and you're a WAY better dancer than me. ;)

I wish I had the discipline to turn off the TV more. I tend to get sucking into its mindless trap at the end of a hard day, but I'm thinking of taking a page from your book and reading more this year. Amazon prime is amazing.

I need that quiet time alone too. Just to process sometimes. I'm glad you're getting it.

Happy New Year, and have a great 2011. :)

Whimsy said...

To be honest, I normally hate these round-ups. I used to do them and... found I was writing the same thing every year. BUT - HUGE BUT - I love reading yours. I do, I really do. I love your honesty. I love how you reach down deep inside yourself to tell us something real.

I do hope 2011 goes a little easier on you.

And I'm with Marie Green: you're one of my favorites, my absolute favorites. Happy New Year!

Sarah said...

Happy New Year to the new you! I'm so happy you took the step to feel better. Sometimes it sucks, admitting (or no, that word implies a failure... let's say RECOGNIZING) that we are not able to completely control our attitude, our mood, whatever. It feels terrifyingly out of control and also kind of defies the common belief that we are responsible for our attitude, and in charge of choosing it, and we could turn it around if we really wanted to, etc. It's only true to a point. There was a period of about six months, shortly after Eli was born, that I think I could really have benefited from an SSRI, but I was too scared/embarrassed/freaked out by the idea to actually call someone about it.
Also, I hope that 2011 is full of connectedness for you, and no more loss!

B said...

I enjoyed reading this, and I enjoyed being part of it even more! Looking forward to another meet-up some time!

Blog Designed by: NW Designs