I am not "depressed".
I am "struggling a bit".
I am "having a hard time".
I am "in a down phase".
I am "dealing with a lot right now".
I had a baby, moved across the country, lost two loved ones, and I am in year three of my dad's battle with cancer. Feeling sad is normal in any one of those stressful circumstances. Try adding up all four at once. So I'm a little cranky? I can still get out of bed and live my life.
But I'm pissy and over-reactive, all the time.
It seems the world is always against me.
When I don't feel an undercurrent of sadness, there's an undercurrent of pissiness. When I don't feel an undercurrent of pissiness, there's an undercurrent of sadness.
Okay, but I don't need an antidepressant. I'll take more fish oil. I'll exercise more. Sleep more. Drink more water. I'll go to therapy more.
Yes, do those things.
Those things are helpful.
Those things are not enough.
Antidepressants are serious drugs that should be reserved for people who are mentally ill or suicidal. Even at my worst, I've never felt suicidal.
At my worst, I felt worthless.
At my worst, I felt unlovable.
At my worst, I lay in bed at night and fantasized about running away. I never thought about where I'd go or what I'd do; I imagined how much better off my husband and girls would be without me. CG would get over me and marry someone nicer, happier, prettier, better than me. The girls' new mom wouldn't ever yell or cry or need her own time-outs. This fantasy brought me relief.
But I'm afraid antidepressants will turn me into someone else. I don't believe we should medicate away our bad moods, temporary life-crises and uncomfortable personality traits.
If you don't like who you are right now, would it be such a bad thing to change a little?
If you're going through a particularly rough time in your life, don't you want to make it easier on yourself if you can?
If your bad moods and uncomfortable personality traits make living with you less than pleasant, don't you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to try something that might help?
But I'm scared I'll start taking the antidepressant and find I have to take it for the rest of my life.
Let me get this straight: Now you're worried they will work so well, you'll never be able to go off of them?
I have depression.
Major or minor, clinical or sub-clinical, episodic, circumstantial, fleeting or permanent, intrinsic, here to stay, it doesn't matter.
I have depression.
I take an SSRI.