Three months post-partum........ grrr?

"We give our bodies to our children," a friend said to me, relating something another friend told her.

We do? I thought to myself. This statement seems true and yet I don't want it to be true. I don't want to give my body to my children, to anyone. It's mine. And I won't sacrifice its health and well being in the name of motherhood or anything else.

I've been pondering that statement since she said it. Did I give my body to my daughters when I was pregnant? Do I give it them by breastfeeding? When I spend hours a day carrying and comforting them with my arms and my back and my lap? Or am I simply making choices that are just like any other choice I make about my body on a daily basis? Exercise or not? Slouch or not? Sunscreen or not? Eat loads of cheese and chocolate and bread (OMG YES YES and YES) or green veggies (trying to)?

What I know from years of studying and molding other people's bodies as a massage therapist and Pilates instructor: our current bodies are the sum of our genetics and our lifetime of choices put together. We start out with tendencies and basic structures. Then, there are diary entries and scrapbook pages written in our flesh and our posture, legible if you look close enough and ask the right questions. Do you have ways of calming yourself and releasing tension from your body or does tension build within your muscles until they form rock hard walls? Have you loved the sun? Were you embarrassed by large boobs as a teenager? Do you sit too long curled into a pretzel knot on the couch while you type?

*moving laptop to table and sitting up straight*

I am constantly working on being proud of the road map of my life that is written on this body of mine while minimizing the negative choices I make for it. I was a dancer, with the grace and the scars to prove it and will always have to manage some of the injuries I incurred in the studio and on the stage. I love the sun, though I try to always slather sunscreen on this pale, freckled skin of mine. I have, at times, let tension build inside my muscles until it seemed my shoulders and neck might cleave off and form their own continent so I work hard on releasing stress through breath, yoga, walking, and massage.

I am a mother, one who has carried and birthed and nursed and held and rocked two babes. This too is written on my body.

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When I saw that Mrs. Chicken had tagged me for a post about finding my roar, I was thrilled. Mrs. Chicken tagged me!

Then, I was more than a little worried about finding anything worth roaring about.

There is very little roaring going on around these here parts. People, I am exactly three months post- partum tomorrow.

Need I say more?

For me, roaring has always been about my physical body, you know, the one with all the diary entries about pregnancy and childbirth and nursing freshly inked all over it. I must redefine and broaden what is roar-worthy for me as it can no longer be about taut skin and narrow ideals of beauty.

I feel two steps behind accepting this body in its current state. I just finally accepted some wrinkles! with the well established acne! And now there is all this new stuff to accept: the dimpled thighs and droopy boobs and pucker-y stomach and cavernous belly button and.....

Where was I? Oh right. ROARING.

I just looked through my iPhoto library and came up with very few photos of myself from our time here in Vermont. Most of them look like this:



SO. Let's go take a picture of JUST ME right now, shall we? And then I'm going to attempt to ROAR (without busting something):



For the second (and last) time of my life, I have honest to goodness cleavage. There is something vaguely resembling a muscle in my arm. There is a waist that is narrower than my hips for the first time in a long time and a stomach that, while not quite flat, is at least not bulging like I'm still pregnant either.

The marks of serious study and hysterical laughter are etched on my face.

I have written stories about movement and motherhood and love on my body's every tissue.

Most importantly, there is the growing sense that my body is mine, all mine. I am in charge of it.

And its roar can build and grow and evolve.
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Roar with me, won't you? And you? And how about both of you? (Stop me before I go CRAZY tagging people!)

Getting your belly back after baby

Okay. There's no easy, painless way to do this.

So let's just pull the band-aid off quickly, shall we??


Phew. Okay. I have now officially done it ALL on this blog (Labor story in extreme detail? CHECK. One week post-partum bare belly photo? CHECK.)

(But note: I wore all black for a"slimming effect".)

(Too bad all it slimmed was my flat, flat behind.)

Truth be told, I'm actually a little stunned that I look like this one week post partum. In a good way. Because after Zoe was born I looked 7 months pregnant. FOR ABOUT A MONTH. So to have had a 10 lb baby and look only 4 months pregnant a week later feels a bit like success. (I'm sure all women reading who have never been post partum are a bit horrified by this picture while most women who've had a baby KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. Unless, of course, you are Heidi Klum, in which case, OMG HI HEIDI.)

But I digress.....

Where were we? Oh right. How do we go about regaining our prepregnant posture, supporting our backs and looking NOT PREGNANT, possibly even HOTTTT, after having a baby (or two)?

I am a Pilates trainer. I got my body in decent shape after one baby. I have helped numerous women get in shape after having a baby. So I'm about to practice what I preach. And you poor suckers lucky people get to come along for the ride!

First thing you need to know when trying to get your belly back in shape after having a baby is whether you had a c section or a vaginal delivery. (Duh.) If you had a c section, you're going to have to wait to get your doctor's okay before performing any exercises. If you had a vaginal delivery, you can pretty much have at it as soon as you feel ready.

(All people who are going to attempt to follow my advice should get their head examined doctor's okay first, I'm not a doctor, please sign waiver here, BLAH BLAH BLAH.)

Next, you need to find out if you have a diastasis recti. A diastasis recti is the splitting of your "6 pack" abdominal muscles into two halves. While all pregnant women stretch out these muscles during pregnancy, some of us actually split them into vertical halves (lucky us!). You can check, and correct, for one at any time post partum, even years later.

Checking for Diastasis Recti
*Lie down on your back, knees bent, feet flat on the floor.
*Place your fingertips on your belly right at the midline, above your belly button.
*Lift your head off the floor and press your fingertips into your belly. You are looking to see if they fall into a trough-like space between the two halves of your ab muscles. Measure how many fingers you can fit into the trough. If two or more fingers fit in the trough width-wise, you have a diastasis and will need to start out with simple exercises to encourage the muscles to come back together.
* Repeat, this time with your fingertips below your belly button. Note how many finger widths you can fit in the trough above and below your belly button.

(These exercises are also safe and good for abdominal training at any time. They are great post partum exercises even if you didn't have a diastasis [you can just leave out the bracing part].)

1. Breathing:
*Lying down on your back, knees bent, feet flat on the floor, lower back curve preserved (ie. do not flatten your back into the floor at any time during this exercise).
*Inhale through your nose to prepare.
*Exhale through your mouth and draw your belly into your spine without tipping your pelvis or flattening your back. You are drawing in your deepest abdominal layer, the transversus abdominus, which acts like a natural girdle and is a vital part of spinal stabilization (which we all need when we're hauling around babies and toddlers and carseats and diaper bags and grocery bags and OMG I NEED A SHERPA EVERY TIME I LEAVE THE HOUSE). Imagine you are trying to fit into a tight pair of jeans (which, seriously, you shouldn't do to yourself until at least 6 months post partum so just IMAGINE, k?) Keep neck, shoulders, and bottom relaxed.
* (Note: If you had a vaginal delivery and you had substantial tearing, you will want to wait until your undercarriage heals. There should be NO pain with this exercise, especially in your pelvic floor. Kegels will help return your pelvic floor muscles to full strength. Once you are ready to begin abdominal exercises, imagine the pelvic floor lifting up with each contraction of your deep abdominal muscles.)
*Repeat 20 times.

Once this feels easy, progress to exercise 2.

2. Breathing with abdominal bracing
*Lie down on your back, knees bent, feet flat on the floor, with a long, thin towel (I like to use my bathrobe belt) under your lower back.

*Cross the towel ends in front of your abs at the level of your largest trough and hold one in each hand (When you noted the trough above and below the navel, where was the biggest trough? Start there. If they were even, start at your navel.)

(Worst picture ever but I had to take it myself so there you go.)

*Inhale through your nose to prepare.
*Exhale through your mouth as you draw you belly into your spine and pull the ends of the towel so that your waist is cinched in and the two halves of your abs are brought back together.
*Repeat 20 times.

Once these feel easy, progress to exercise 3.

3. Breathing and bracing with pelvic tilts.

Same as above, except you add a tilting of your pelvis and a flattening of your lower back into the floor, as you exhale and draw the two halves of your abs together and in toward your spine.

Once these feel easy, progress to exercise 4.

4. Breathing and bracing with chest lifts.

Same as #2, except you add a lifting of your head and shoulders as you exhale and draw the two halves of your abs together and in toward your spine. It's like a slow motion "crunch" with your abs being drawn together by the towel/soft belt.

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So there you have it. Some exercises that I will start doing, uh, today? Yes, yes, today.

I have a 3 finger width diastasis and have some serious work to do to get these abs back in shape. I am feeling like my undercarriage is healed enough (Did I mention: 10 LB BABY? SUNNY SIDE UP?) to start some of these exercises (along with some Kegels.).

So I start today.

(Now there, seriously, is more than any of you wanted to know about abdominals and pelvic floors, mine in particular. )

(Any questions? Feel free to email me or leave a comment.)

The real mommy makeover.

In today's New York TImes style section, there's an article about mommy makeovers. You know, where they combine all your needs into one! gimmicky! opportunistic! simple! procedure! Tummy tucks, boob lifts, lipo. Even va-j-j beautification surgery. We're all clamoring for these now, I guess.

I don't really care if moms want to get their boobs lifted or tummies tucked. If you are unhappy and have tried other means to reshape your body, knock yourself out. But what goes unsaid in this light article (What did I expect? It's in the "Style" section, after all.) is that there are a few important aspects of post-partum bodies that very few people talk about. And maybe some of these women would feel more confident and sexy if they had some help truly addressing what pregnancy and childbirth do to the way your body functions as well as how it looks.

How about this for a mommy makeover? How about requiring all OB/GYNs to check moms at the 6 week post-partum visit for diastasis recti and pelvic floor strength? And if problems exist in either area, referring to a physical therapist who specializes in post partum women's health? Is that really so difficult?

Depending on who you ask, diastasis recti, which is the separation of your rectus abdominus along the vertical center line of your belly, happens in 50-85% of all pregnant women. And yet, very, very few moms I know have ever heard of it, let alone been checked for it. Why OBs don't routinely check for it is beyond me. If left untreated, the abdominals may never go back together, leaving your belly protruding, your posture unsupported and your spine unprotected. Just going to the gym and doing mindless crunches not only doesn't help, it makes it worse.

Don't know if you have it? Try this test: Lie down on your back with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor. Place one hand on your belly, fingertips together and pointing down toward your feet. Lift your head off of the mat without trying to do anything in particular with your abs (ie. if you know Pilates, don't try to engage your transversus, just lift your head). With your head off the floor, press your fingertips into your belly to see if they fall into a trough-like space between the two halves of your abdominals. If you can get three or more fingers into the trough, you have a disastasis that needs immediate attention. You should take special care when lifting heavy things (as in DON'T DO IT) and you should start on a program of corrective exercises. I won't go into them here but if you don't have the ability to hire a great Pilates instructor or see a physical therapist, there are some good ones on the web. Like here.

Here's where I say that you should see your doctor and I'm not a doctor so don't take my advice as a medical opinion and blah blah blah.

And let's just say that, postpartum, you are peeing yourself, or sex is painful. These are both common symptoms of pelvic floor dysfunction and will mostly likely be helped by seeing a doctor and physical therapist who specialize in treatment of the pelvic floor. For some women, just doing some kegels is enough to get you shipshape again. For others, you may need biofeedback or internal physical therapy (yep, that means just what you think it does). Either way, do not assume that since you had a baby you will just have to live with painful sex or a Costco sized box of pantiliners for the rest of your life.

Now if anyone has any advice about the boob issue, I'm all ears.