I need you to need me.

Z is going through a pretty serious Mommy phase. CG and I used to be able to trade off bath/bedtime at whim. Now it is all Mommy all the time and when CG asks if he can please give Z a bath, she says no and cries. (Yes, we sometimes break toddler rule #1: Do not ask a yes or no question unless you are damn well ready to hear and accept either "yeth" or "NO! NO! NOOOO!".)

We still have him give her a bath and put her to bed a few nights a week. She cries a bit at the beginning (which she does at ANY separation from me at the moment) but gets over it reasonably quickly and we both feel it's important that I not become the One and Only.

Needless to say, this latest phase makes CG a little sad.

And me a little.....guiltily..... happy.

As much of a burden as it can be, there's something vaguely satisfying to some small, needy part of me about her wanting me and only me. As if it is some kind of referendum on my relative value as a parent. As if I need her to outwardly, obviously need only, especially, ME to feel validated.

Sometimes this seems reasonable since, let's face it, we all know there ain't a whole lot of feedback in this parenting gig. There are no raises, there are no promotions. (Though I guess you can give yourself a promotion by having more kids. How's that for a promotion? More responsibilities! More work! Less time/money/energy for yourself!) (Okay FINE, more love and hugs too.) So what if I smugly silently enjoy her momentary preference for me? Who does it hurt??

Sometimes this seems like I just need to go back to therapy.

And start saving for Z's eventual therapy while we're at it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I know, it's a weird contradiction isn't it? I knew a woman who seriously cut back her work schedule because she was heartbroken to find that her kids preferred her husband.

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