As reported last week, when we took away the side of E's crib (because she catapulted herself over it and appeared, weepy and naked, at the bottom of the stairs much to my ever-lasting horror), we also discovered that her last pacifier, the one we were still allowing her to sleep with because the dentist said to wait until she's potty trained to take it away and OH YEAH NOT POTTY TRAINED AT ALL OVER HERE, well that last pacifier had a big rip in it and wasn't safe to use. She told us herself it was time to throw it away.
I mean, when your own kid tells you that it's time for them to throw away their last remaining, much beloved pacifier, it's kind of time, yes? This is, even to those of us who tend toward intuition deafness, what they call a CLEAR SIGN. So we threw it away, even though we thought it was horrible timing.
And LO it was!
Last week was Spring Break and my parents came to visit and I had a week's worth of fun activities planned including going to DC to see art! And animals! And possibly several longish hikes! Which all were now shot to hell since I would be dragging a deranged, sleep-deprived child with me. The absence of the pacifier combined with the thrill of FREEDOM means
her nap has rapidly transformed into a pretty unsuccessful "quiet time".
Oh but this wasn't the hardest part for me. Yes, she's been negatively effected by her lack of sleep, vacillating, even more than a normal almost-three year old, between spazzy and weepy and irrational. But even if she wasn't clearly missing the sleep, I'd still be missing her nap.
Because, I'm embarrassed to say, it was often MY NAP.
I've gotten used to having a definite respite in the middle of the day. I could count on a reliable window of at least an hour - often TWO - to clean up, email, blog, read or, yes, SLEEP. Most days, I could chose to do whatever would be most stress relieving to me, and several times a week, my choice was to curl up in bed with a book to read and snooze. This time of rest and restoration was often like pushing a reset button on my mood: after nap time I felt recharged and ready to start again in my best motherhood self.
That I used to nap feels like a dirty little secret, because the stereotype of a SAHM is one of a lazybones with unbrushed hair, clad in pajamas in the middle of the day, popping chocolate and napping at whim.
I'll have you know that I'm often dressed BEFORE noon AND I cannot nap at WHIM. Just at naptime! Which is no longer!
(Ironically, I was able to write this because E decided to take a nap today.
On the ONE DAY I finally planned for her NOT TO NAP. Jezuz. This is why
we moms think our kids plot to make our lives more difficult.
BECAUSE THEY DO.)