Something must be in the water. A whole bunch of moms I know who have babies Z's age are pregnant again and due this spring. What the hell? Weren't we on the same page for so long? Since when did they get ready for this and leave me behind?
I'm not sure whether I should say "Oooh! Yay! I wanna new baby!" or "Good luck with that, suckaz!".
Soon these friends will be knee deep in all the pleasures that infancy has to offer- sleep deprivation, blowout diapers, leaky/engorged/painful boobs, endless "could-it-be-the-beginning-of-colic?" crying, hormonal roller-coasters, wrinkly/pouchy/marsupial abdominals, spit-up covered clothing, and days without showering or leaving the house (Shut IT CG. I shower most days now.). PLUS: This time, they get to do it all with a toddler at home on the brink of- or knee deep in -the terrible twos! Yee haw!
Sounds like a party I'd like to pass on.
Except, I guess we kinda think we maybe want a second kid and I'm not exactly a spring chicken. As CG says: "Wanna spin this roulette wheel one more time?"
It seems everyone has an opinion about the perfect age spread for siblings. Too close and your first will still be the baby and have a hard time with jealousy. Too far apart and the first will be set in their ways, old enough to remember being an only child and resentful of this major change. The moms I know who are pregnant again talk about "getting the diapers over with" or "hoping they'll play together and be close". Those of us waiting and pondering (or sticking our heads in the sand) are maybe just hoping to spend a little more time messing up the first one before we tackle another one.
Every once in a while, FH and I will look at each other and say: "Maybe one is enough. Maybe we should stop at one". But it doesn't feel right to either of us. We want Z to have a sibling, even if that means they'll spend most of their childhood beating and scratching each other (like me and my brother) or tricking each other into eating raw chili peppers (like CG and his brother). For some reason, childhood seems like it should include some serious hazing. We're like a couple of frat boys: we had it done to us, so we feel it's only right to do it to the next generation.
As I see it, there are different benefits and challenges- for the kids and for the parents- of both being an only child or one of several. Either way, it's kind of a crap shoot. I think whether siblings get along is so much more dependent on their individual personalities and temperaments than whether they were 1 or 5 years apart. I think how well I survive motherhood is completely dependent on how well I take care of myself regardless of how many kids I have.
For better or worse, we'll probably spin this roulette wheel again. Just not anytime soon.
Maybe I should wait and see how my friends fare first....
1 comment:
As a mom of one who's, as you said, knee-deep in terrible two's and another whose main preoccupation is to be constantly on the teat, suckling and grunting like an eternally hungry piglet, I can tell you there is certainly some validity to your worries.
However. There is no right time. I have seen that from everyone else I've watched having kids. You can space 'em one year apart or ten, there will ALWAYS be reasons why that spacing sucks. At some point, you just have to have that feeling that it's time. And if you don't have it yet, then it's not!
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