From an early age, Zoe has been a little standoffish. She has had bouts of stranger anxiety which I think were normal and she gets shy and hides her face when interacting with people, especially adults. We always prompt her say "hello" and "goodbye" and "thank you" but if she doesn't do it, we don't push her.
We also never encouraged her to give anyone, adults or kids, hugs and kisses. I'm not exactly sure why this is and I truly never thought much of it until recently. Now that Zoe's cohort are all walking around and actually interacting, there is a lot of hugging and kissing going on. Or at least, I should say there is a lot ATTEMPTED with Zoe, who often runs in the opposite direction screaming or at best, barely tolerates it. And often the hugging and kissing is prompted by the parents which I find totally fascinating.
I think of myself as quite physically affectionate. As a massage therapist, I'm certainly comfortable with touch. As a friend, I often hug hello and goodbye. Sometimes you even get a kiss on the cheek (Woah! Stand back!!). But I like to think that it's my choice to hug and kiss. And I think hugs and kisses are a little different than saying hello or goodbye, which are basic acts of respectful interaction. So I guess I always assumed that if Zoe wanted to hug or kiss she would do it of her own volition, because she saw us do it, and if she didn't want to, well that was fine too.
It now seems possible that, by default, we have trained Zoe to NOT hug or kiss as a greeting and maybe this is a failing on our part. I have been helping her find polite words to say ("NO! NOOOO!!!" wasn't quite cutting it for me) when she doesn't want to receive a hug or kiss but maybe I should more forcefully encourage her to receive them instead. This is one of those parenting moments where our little decisions feel large and fraught with long-lasting repercussions. Or am I over-thinking this?
It isn't just strangers who receive Zoe's cold shoulder. Usually, when she sees her dad or me after an absence she smiles, runs toward us and then.... runs away. I would LOVE a hug or a kiss from her as a greeting and have been known to occasionally force one on her or, more pathetically, beg for one.
At least I try not to sound too desperate, needy or stalker-y like one of the moms at the playground last week: "C'mon baaaaaabbby! Give Mommy some looooovvvvveessss!"
1 comment:
We have stuck with high fives and the like, so it's not like Mimi doesn't interact with other people (adults and kids). I think we are somewhere along the same lines as you in that sense. But I also figure that's OK as long as she is affectionate with people that she actually knows and cares about.
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