Home, with perspective.

Coming home was even more of a sweet relief than I expected. I was supposed to arrive home at 9:30 p.m. Sunday evening. After TWO plane changes, we left 5 hours later than expected. (One plane "needed new software" but, after an hour of us all waiting on board, it turned out to "need a whole new flight computer". After boarding the second plane and waiting, we were told it "needed a new radio". The final plane was delayed as it needed "more gas" due to a change in flight plan.) This meant I got exactly 2 hours of sleep the night morning I returned home. Me thinks United might NEED SOME NEW PLANES.

Contrary to my deep-seated fears, Zoe and CG survived the four days I was gone with nary a scratch (or obvious psychological damage). She cried for him a lot on Monday and I could see his joy at having a new bond with her as she's always been more bonded to me. A leftover from 14 months of nursing? A result of me being the primary caregiver for so long? A clear indication of my complete and utter superiority as a parent/human being?

Of course, I usually attribute Zoe's Mommy attachment to the two former explanations but a small part of me secretly felt it was the latter. Seeing how attached she got to CG in four days of me being gone blows that out of the water.

We're always working on the shifting dynamics of our little family of three (+ dog) and being gone made it all a little clearer. Sometimes I find that in my love and constant care for my daughter, I forget all about my poor husband. Before this trip, I was in a lather about missing HER and worried about what SHE needed and was often only thinking of my husband as the poor schlep who would be flying solo in Toddlerland, not as the man I used to focus on entirely, the person to whom I chose to pledge my love, partnership and companionship forever and ever and EVER.

It reminds me of some comedian I saw on The Daily Show awhile ago. He was talking about becoming a new father and how his formerly attentive, loving wife gave birth, gazed at her new baby, a full blood, sweat and tears production from her body, and then turned to him and said "Who the f&%$ are you?.

Sometimes I catch myself feeling that way.

But then I remember: our love created her. As immediate and overwhelming as Zoe's demands feel sometimes, I must not lose sight of him. Of us.

I missed my daughter AND my husband (and my dog for that matter.). If I learned anything by being away from them (not to mention, sharing those four days with my dear friend who has spent the last month of her life caring for her husband with a brain injury) it is surely some schlocky sentimental nonsense about how precious this little family CG and I created is.

(Please excuse me while I go call our babysitter to set up a much needed date night.)

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