My Sweaty Book Report.

I am a woman who loves research, experts and information. In my opinion, there is nothing that can't be cured with some more reading and some more experts. So it will come as no surprise to you that my bookshelves are cluttered with many a child-rearing advice tome.

I've never understood the many, many people who have said things to me like "Well, SHE (meaning my daughter) hasn't read the book has she?" or "Every child is different" or "Every book is just one person's opinion. YOU'RE the mother. Use your intuition.". To the first two points, I say this: Um, yeah, NO DUH but that doesn't mean the advice in these books is worthless. And as far as the last point goes, the authors' opinions in the best of these books are backed up by serious study, research and experience the likes of which I have neither the training, time or energy to undertake myself. Motherhood is the hardest job I've ever had (and I'm including the job where I danced, dressed as a bat, to the song "Tequila" only I had to yell "Mosquito!" over the chorus. Ah, to be broke and 20 again....) and I feel strongly that there are people out there with information that can save me, not to mention Z, the stress of too much trial-and-error, "intuitive" parenting.

*stepping off soapbox*

Where was I ?

My MIL gave us "The First Three Years of Life" by Burton L. White and I bought "Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child" by the same, because hey, I want a happy, unspoiled child. There is a metric ton of repeated information in these two books. So if you are crunched for time, my advice is to skip "TFTYL" and head right to the more condensed "RHUC".

First of all, the good: Unlike a few books on my shelf (Oh, Mr. Weissbluth, love your advice but did you not have an editor?!?!), these books are clearly written and easy to read. And unlike some other books on my shelf (Oh, Dr. Karp, were you expecting your book to be read mostly by fourth graders?), they are also packed with juicy sentences that give great information and are based on extensive research.

But.

BUT.

What is up with the fear mongering, Mr. White?

Here's a sample of what he has to say about the age group I am vitally interested in currently, "Phase VI", 14-24 months: "The fourteen-twenty-four month period is, in my opinion, make-or-break time." and "It is vital that you be aware that Phase VI is the last period during which you have an enormous impact on the basic shape of your child's personality." and "It is not possible to overemphasize the importance of this sixteen-month stage of life", and FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS CHOCOLATE, "You have the power to help her become a chronically happy two-year-old who is a pleasure to live with or a chronically dissatisfied child who regularly engages in power struggles with you."

Anyone anxious yet? Can you smell my sweaty palms THROUGH YOUR COMPUTER?

As if I wasn't anxious enough about this time in Z's life. As if I didn't know that this is an important time (because you know, I totally ignored her during the last five phases just waiting for this one, the holy freakin' grail.).

Unfortunately, in TFTYL, White does much to induce parental panic attacks and spends lots of time patting himself on the back for how great his methods are before actually getting down to the methods themselves. But I appreciate his conviction that this is a rough time for all parents, asserting that even the ones who have parented perfectly well will have their authority tested by the blossoming individuality of their toddler. And I like his clear frank opinions on time out (he uses "prevention of proximity" instead during this phase) and his explanation for the rise in "negativism" during this phase.

So all in all, I recommend these books. Lots of great research. Interesting information. Just skip over, tune out or sweat through the fear-mongering.