Then, we told her there was a baby in Mommy's belly.
That was the end of the preciousness, it seems.
(I'm pretty sure this eff you was unintentional, however her behavior lately has been a toddler version of an eff you.)She's been so fragile that EVERY. SINGLE. transition suddenly warrants a full scale meltdown, even the ones she's NEVER had a problem with. She refuses to help clean up her toys, wash her hands before a meal, use the potty/change a pull-up, get out of the car, chose her clothes, YOU NAME IT, SHE NO LIKEY. Her usual half hour of happy babbling to put herself to sleep has suddenly become OVER AN HOUR of red-faced, staccatto breath, big tears SOBBING. She wants us to sit with her, pat her back, read her more books. CG and I are resisting too much bedtime coddling as we have friends who must SLEEP ON THE FLOOR of their child's room to get them to go to sleep and I refuse to go there, especially with a toddler who has always been the Great Sleeper of all Time. So we check on her regularly and ask her how she is, tell her we love her, that it's okay, that we know she can put herself to sleep. And then we close the door and we all cry by ourselves.
I've taken her temperature more times in the last week than I have in her whole life, so convinced am I that some horrible dread disease has infected my child. I've been expecting technicolor puke or itchy hives or racking coughs any moment now for over a week. Instead, I am faced with a confusing and confused little girl who, apparently, is trying to make sense of what it means that Mommy has a baby in her belly and sometimes doesn't feel very well. She's told CG she doesn't want to be a sister. She mentions wanting "the baby to come out RIGHT NOW" but it's not clear exactly why that is (so that she can play with it or get rid of it?). Her little toddler brain clearly doesn't understand what it all means but just as clearly has decided IT'S NOT GOOD.
This is killing us, breaking our hearts, wearing on us deeply. We are convinced we told her too soon. But the cat is out of the bag and we want, WE NEED, to comfort her, to tell her that she will always be our baby and that we love her very much, that she's not being replaced, that she'll be an awesome big sister.
Sometimes I also want to scream "THE BABY'S NOT COMING FOR A VERY LONG TIME SO PLEASE CHILL THE EFF OUT!". I expected her to have issues about the baby just not in my first freaking trimester.
It's going to be a loooonnnng nine months.
4 comments:
phoebe now turns the sofa into a 'crib' and insists i hold her sippy cup like a bottle for the 'crying baby' and 'baby is crying' 'baby hungry'
so you could say we have classic regression here. potty training gone out the window. back to diapers.
she is doing ok with the idea of a baby sister, and has kissed my belly, but she wants to join the baby club as well.
it's great when she says "just a minute" and goes behind a corner and pretend pukes. 'just like mommy'.
Oh boy, I hope that she gets used to this and cools off quickly for your sake and hers. A long 9 months, indeed!
Wow, I hope she gets tired of this soon! I think you're definitely doing the right thing, not giving in to the demands for change on her part. Kids are so all about continuity, and it would set a bad precedent for you to change now, because it would be both admitting to her that she was right in her freaked-out-ed-ness, and also that she was in charge. It's hard, but you're going to be OK, and she will NEVER remember this, regardless of WHAT you do, so you might as well do the right thing.
That's what I always tell myself when I'm curled up in a ball, rocking in the corner.
Oh I understand! Addy is just now having such a hard time dealing with Eli. There was never much jealousy when he first arrived, but all the sudden she is furious with me anytime I hold him, cuddle him, or treat him differently than her in any way. I think it's that she's beginning to realize that he gets away with stuff that would warrant a time out for her, and she doesn't understand the differences in maturity that make this double standard necessary. All she knows is that if she pulls Eli's hair, she has to sit in her chair, but if he pulls hers, he just gets a stern " no no!"
I know its not fair and I know she's feeling insecure and confused right now... I just don't know what to do about it! I'm just doing as much cuddling as I can. Loving on your kids is never wrong, so I just do that as much as possible. I keep trying to praise her good behavior whenever I can so that the more negative stuff will eventually disappear! I hope!
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