Completely and utterly annoying. And also, Not.

Completely and utterly annoying:

*People keep telling me that feeling like I may ralph up my chicken nuggets with BBQ sauce and cream cheese (SHUT IT) at any moment is a GOOD thing! *BIG SMILE!* *THUMBS UP!* It means your hormones are doing their thing! It means your lima bean baby is getting properly bestowed with thumbs and a forehead and necessary organs! Rejoice! (ARG! WHERE IS MY UZZI?!)

*Zoe woke up this morning at 4:30 am crying pathetically in sporadic bursts, just enough to get me up, at her door, only to turn back after a few moments of silence. REPEAT MANY TIMES until I gave up and went in to make sure she hadn't impaled herself on a knife she somehow smuggled into her bed (once I thought of this insane impossibility I couldn't get it out of my head). She was fine, a bit cold (TRY KEEPING THE BLANKET ON FOR A MINUTE OR TWO SOMETIME, FOR THE LOVE) so I brought her into our bed and lay there wide awake realizing that while this early wake up call is annoying, it pales in comparison to imagining doing it all after being up all night with a squalling, nipple-biting, lava-pooping infant.

*I appear to be incapable of eating chocolate while pregnant. SERIOUSLY. This is very, very, VERY wrong for someone who normally eats chocolate after most meals.

And also, Not.

*Oh, it must be true! At least my constant nausea means that I'm a bit less likely to miscarry! It does have a benefit! Rejoice!

*I pulled Zoe into bed with us this morning and plopped her head on the pillow next to me. I breathed in her smell, measured her impossibly long body against mine and hoped she would fall back asleep. After I felt her breath regulate, I watched her, awestruck. What used to be a tiny, swaddled infant asleep next to me in bed at this hour after her morning nursing, here she is stretched out beside me, a huge, beautiful PERSON. And when she sat up bolt upright not 5 minutes later, announcing "I'm ready for BREAKFAST!" I wiped away a few tears, embraced her and told her how very much I loved her and was excited to start the day with her.

*No chocolate but oh god, there is BBQ sauce! YAY!


Marie Green said...

I work with pregnant women all the time and one of my favorite things is hearing about their pregnancy cravings. BBQ and cream cheese! Brilliant!

My own little one just turned 2 as well.... ARG. I have to stifle the urge to stuff her into a baby bjorn and pretend she's still an infant... Man, we need to have another baby.

Miyoko. said...

oh don't u worry my dear. The ability to eat chocolate and the desire to will return in the second trimester. It explains my new bi-weekly "baking time" with phoebe. We baked three dozen oatmeal choc chip cookies that I froze and thaw a few each day. Dangerous!!!!

Right now you are in total survival mode. It's unbelievably rough and trying. I was surprised at how it was one of the most challenging times I had experienced. keeping a toddler happy and puking 5 times a day. One day at a time and you'll be through it in no time.

Astarte said...

BBQ sauce is almost as good as chocolate. Yum. I can't imagine not eating chocolate, though. That sucks. But, at least not being able to eat it means you won't throw it up, which would ruin it FOREVER.

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