Today we saw the beating heart of our baby.....


Upon rereading my last post, I think I knew underneath my "knowing". I knew on some level that I was destined to have two girls.

No penis showed its ..... face this afternoon at our ultrasound and our OB said, based on the view he got, he was 95% sure we were having another girl.

I will get to revisit all of Zoe's clothes. I will have yet another version of the mother-daughter bond that I cherish with my own mother. I will get to know a sisterly bond, if not from the inside out, at least from the top down. I will go into mothering this child thinking that I know a thing or two about her because we already have a girl and really, how different could they be? (hahaHAHA).

I will not get to see a little boy run through this house, with blond curls like his daddy as a baby. I will, someday, stop daydreaming about what a son, our son, would have looked like.

I will forever wonder what we would have done about circumcision. I will never know what it would have been like to wipe lava-poop from the tiniest of scrotums. I will not get sprayed in the face at diaper changes and purchase a "pee-pee tee-pee". I will never have to teach a son how to aim for the potty, talk to a girl he likes, be open and caring in a world where being a tough guy sometimes seems like the only option for boys.

I will try not to apologize to my parents who, it seems fairly certain, will have 3 granddaughters and no grandsons.

I will stop repeating the boy's name we had picked out when I rub my belly. I will let go of that name, the ideas and dreams I had attached to that name.

I will create new ideas and dreams for a new name. A girl's name.


Kathleen said...

Phew! I can finally stop checking back here. I have to go to bed soon, and I am glad to sleep and dream of you and CG and your two daughters. Oh, how lovely! And of course, the other option was lovely, too.

Mommy Daisy said...

Congrats! I think we all crave what we don't have. It's inevitable.

Swistle said...

Oh, how wonderful! Congratulations!

Kathi McCracken Dente said...

Yay! So excited we will have more daughters around the same age. How fun! It is tough to grieve the loss of the other possibility no matter what it is. I find raising sisters to be an unexpected challenge since I don't have one and I don't even have many friends that do. I want to know the magic secret to raise close knit best friends and not the ones that fight all the time (even as adults). But I already find myself fiercely loyal to our little girl. While we had tons of pressure to have a boy, no one is allowed to be disappointed with her.

Miyoko said...

congrats!!! It's wild to be washing all of p's clothing again so many memories. I keep suddenly realizing that this kid could look a lot or nothing like p!! (my brother and I don't look related at all due to it parents looking nothing alike)

2 girls will be a delight. Our house has become full of tutus and dresses and it will be interesting to see if I end up raising two ├╝ber girly girls. :) As I type p has layered a tutu over pajamas and is adorning herself with headband crowns, serving imaginary brownies and changing into patent leather Mary Janes. :)

Marie Green said...

I was a tiny bit disappointed when our 3rd was another little girls, but she was so beautiful and chubby that the emotion was fleeting. Now, I simply cannot imagine her any other way.

I have no idea what we would have done about circumcision either. That was one of the first things my husband said to me when she was born- "Now we don't have to decide!".

Having sisters to watch is SO COOL. Congratulations!

Astarte said...

Oh, I have always wished for a sister. Your daughter will be so lucky!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! I would have said that either way, but yay for getting to that big milestone.

Kate said...

Congratulations! I came from a family of all girls and I can say, sisters are wonderful.

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