9/24/09

I love you

Dear Z,

I say it to you on the mornings when you crawl into bed with us. I kiss your forehead, wrestle your wiggly body to capture a moment of stillness, marvel over the limbs that have grown overnight.

I say it to you when you are past your breaking point and I am close to mine. I pull you into my lap, desperate to break through, to change the dynamic with the hopeful three little words.

I say it to you just because.

I sometimes say it to you when I'm trying to remind myself of its truth.

I want to say it to you on the playground as you run and slide and stun me with each new physical skill but you are too far away.

I want to yell it at the top of my lungs when you approach a girl and ask her name and if she wants to play with you or you say "thank you" or "excuse me" to a stranger. (But, of course, I don't.)

I say it to you when we part. I can feel (and often hear) that our separation is hard for you. I wish I could tuck its truth into some permanent pocket on you for when I am not there.

I say it to you whenever you say it to me first. (This is my favorite.)

I say it to you at night, as I'm tucking you into bed. Sometimes it is a moment of penance for my impatience and frustration that day. Sometimes it is a moment of reverence and gratitude for the gift that you are.

I will keep saying it. Again and again and again.

Love,

Your Clueless But Hopeful Mama

-----------------------------

Dear E,

I say it to you when I'm picking you up from sleep. I unwrap your swaddle and revel in your full body smile. It comes out of my mouth in a sing-songy torrent IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou because you won't stop me and I can't stop myself.

I say it whenever I press my lips to your soft cheek and your sister is out of earshot (or within earshot and having a good day).

I say it while you nurse and gaze up at me adoringly. I imagine filling you up with love the same way your belly fills with milk. I know you will digest it and need more and more and more.

So I am here to keep saying it. Again and again and again.

Love,

Your Clueless But Hopeful Mama

4 comments:

Whimsy said...

Oh this is so wonderful. I can hear you saying it to your girls between each line.

Lovely.

Good Enough Mom said...

Awesome.
All.
Choked.
Up.

Cas said...

Beautiful.

Marie Green said...

Are you addicted to kissing those oh-so-squishy spot on your kids too? I remember that the twins started resisting my constant kiss-fest around age three, but by then I had another babe on the way. But NOW, Marin just turned three and so far so good... but who am I going to munch on once she starts refusing me?

I guess this goes in the spreadsheet as "another reason to have #4". Man, that list is long. ;)

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