9/28/09

The right fit

I finally got my wedding and engagement rings resized on Friday. They have been too tight since I got pregnant with Z. I went ringless starting in my first trimester and finally squeezed them back on my sausage-y man-hands about 6 months after Z was born. They were so tight after that that my ring finger wound up with a waist. When I got pregnant with E, I gave up the fight and buttered up my finger (mmmmm buuutttterrr) to take them off. Every time I tried them on since then, they still didn't fit.

Until now.

After picking them up at the jewelers on Friday, I put them on for the first time in over a year and remembered that warm April night when CG pulled out a little box, got down on one knee in the middle of a fancy pants restaurant and told me he needed a little help with his birthday wish, would you marry me? I sputtered and put it on and had to be reminded to say yes.

Yes.

It amazed me then that the ring was the right size. It fit perfectly. This ring, the one that he earned the money to buy by participating in a long, inconvenient, uncomfortable medical study, slipped right on my finger. He thought it would be a place holder until we had one made.

But it fit.

They fit.

(and are apparently quite tasty)

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I bought Z some new uniform pants for her school. I used a much coveted free time slot this weekend to hem them (as she is cursed with her mama's Long Waist/Short Limb Syndrome).

I hope it wasn't a waste of time.

We have yet to meet with Z's teacher and continue to wrestle with ourselves about whether to look for another preschool. I'm trying to not overreact, to calm myself a little bit about my inconsequential knit-picky issues like typos on the promotional material and focus on what really matters: whether this school, this class, is the right fit for our kid.

We want to give her, and ourselves, a chance to adjust to this new school. We don't want to act rashly when there is so much going on that could be clouding our perceptions.

When I try to get the root of my issues with her school, I keep coming back to feeling disconnected from the classroom, like I'm purposefully being kept at arms length. The drop-off/pick-up line (where we drive up and have our child met at the door by a staff member) seems so cold and leaves me with NO sense of the vibe of the classroom that day. I never see how the teacher interacts with my kid. I never see any of the other kids or parents. I feel like Z gets dropped into a black hole for three hours.

So I'm reduced to pretending to be nonchalant as I grill her for detailed information. She tells me about how, at her old school, she could cut any way she wanted but at her new school, she has to cut on the lines. She notes benignly that there aren't any "toys" there, only "works" but seems a bit put off by the conspicuous lack of baby dolls. She complains that some of the "works" that she's interested in are reserved for older kids. I find myself thinking: shouldn't preschool be a magical place where, as long as you are safe and respectful, you get to play with whatever you want, however you want?

Then there's her crazy behavior of late, for which I'm always searching for some external cause. (When she was a baby my go-to explanation was always TEETHING! When she was a toddler it was IMMINENT ILLNESS!) When I pick her up from school, she often screams from unspecified frustration (Z: "AAAHHHHH! I'M FRUSTRATED!!!", Me: "I can hear that. What's frustrating you Z?", Z: "WAAHHHH! I DON'T KNOW!"), refuses to cooperate with anything I say and throws a tantrum at the drop of a hat. It is at lunch time and the school's morning snack is earlier than she's used to. Is it low blood sugar? I always pick her up with E in the car with me. Is it an attention getting/ sibling rivalry thing? This new school is the last of a ton of transitions in her life recently. Was it the last straw? She's three and has been challenging in all kinds of new ways all summer. Is this just the age? Her sleep has been A MESS lately with naps mostly a thing of the past and all of us are unsure if it's better for her to nap or not. Is her messed-up sleep causing all this or is it the other way around??

Is this school the wrong fit for her? Is the classroom so structured that frustration builds up in her until it is safe to let it out?

She does tell me about older kids helping her out; one girl reminded her to use a tissue, another helped her up when she fell on the playground. She asked to bring some cookies that we made at home (mmmmm coookkkies) to her teachers. She proudly shows us her "work" that she brings home at the end of each week. She got upset when I had to pick her up early this week for a pediatrician appointment because she didn't want to miss playground and music time. She tells me repeatedly that she wants to be a "full dayer" like some of her friends.

She has moments of anger and frustration and INSANITY on the weekend that are just like when she gets home from school.

Color me confused.

Time to make an appointment with the teacher.

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Today (YOU ARE MY WITNESSES) I am taking the girls to a local moms' meetup. I've been lurking around their board for weeks now. Today I will try my hardest to be Normal Friendly and pray that I find some other moms that I hit it off with.

It is so hard to be looking for friends at this ripe-old age. So far there have been very few opportunities for me to meet other adults. Mostly I try to chat up moms at the playground with my usual Strange Friendly I've-been-at-home-talking-only-to-children-under-three style. Not surprisingly, this has not been too successful yet.

I feel like I'm still at the very beginning of building a life here.

I hope I find a good fit.

9 comments:

Jos said...

wishing you lots of luck that both the moms meetup & Z's school situation work out well. I feel for you!

just a thought-- does Z's school have any parent volunteering? that might be a good way to get a sense of school/teachers/classroom & also meet some of the other parents.

er, apparently I suffer from the super short waist syndrome... low-rise jeans fit me like mom jeans. sexy! ;)

Hillary said...

Good luck at the meet-up and with sorting out Z's school. Her frustration really might be just a combination of all the big changes you've made lately, but it never hurts to be sure.

Marianne said...

I might find an excuse to drop by unannounced. Fake an emergency or whatever it takes...

EllenAC6 said...

I am a teacher; I am a mother; based on what you have written, I would change schools. I went to preschool myself- and not many were around in the early 1970's. I remember quite a many details of life in those preschools. Preschool IS important and you need to find one where there are no questions such as you have raised. good luck! I wish you and your family the best.j

Good Enough Mom said...

Yeah...good questions...such good questions...you could move her, but that would be another transition. Or you could leave her, but what if it's not a great fit...Oy. Oy. oy. oy....I still vote for spending some time in the classroom to observe. What school won't let you observe? I mean, really, WOULD YOU PLEASE LET THE POOR WOMAN OBSERVE?????????

Congrats on having rings that fit, though...that's awesome! (I had the same problem after pregnancy)

miyoko said...

hope all goes smoother with figuring out the school thing.

and yeah my brain/speech/social skills are TOTALLY stunted by communicating primarily with 2 small wee ones all day every day. When I went to a school coffee social the other day I felt completely out of sorts, found myself feeling verbally stunted and found it difficult to make myself look 'nice'. HA. what a mess.

Whimsy said...

Oh! Best of luck with the meet-up AND the school situation. If Z's mood swings and tantrums are like the whole "teething" thing from babyhood, then you know that sorting through this really will be like that: you'll work through solutions, try different things, and then one day you'll come upon something that works - and before long, it will all be something of a hazy blue memory.

Here's hoping that happens fast, yes?

parkingathome said...

I am so curious to hear what the medical study that bought your ring entailed.

Also, about the school, do they have parent helpers? Can you go in and help out for a day so that you can see how she's doing and what the atmosphere is like? If they don't allow parents in the room I would be suspicious

Marie Green said...

Isn't it maddening how they refuse to give up ANY details about their day? I LONG to know more about how my girls' day goes, so I ask both open ended questions (what was the funniest thing that happened today) as well as specific questions (who did you sit by at lunch?) and all I get is one word, simple answers.

Why do they insist on torturing us so????

This is the MAIN reason why I volunteer in their classroom... because I am so curious about the dynamics and about how their day goes!

Also: love the ring.

Also: how did the meetup go?

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