I believe in vaccines.
I hate vaccines.
I am grateful that we live in a time and a country where many childhood diseases have been eradicated. Vaccines have saved many, many lives.
I am terrified of autism (and any other possible reaction to childhood vaccines). I know the overwhelming consensus of scientists and research shows there is no connection between vaccines and autism. The parents out there who believe in a connection still scare me.
Today I have to take my girls to a new pediatrician; it is time for E.'s four month old shots. I will have to hold her little legs down and watch her perfect smiling face transform into a red mask of fright and pain. This is at the heart of why I hate vaccines so much. It goes against every fiber of my being to willingly inflict that kind of pain on her, even for a moment, even for "her own good". I think that's one of the reasons why the vaccine/autism debate strikes such fear in me: instinctively, watching my child gets these shots feels WRONG in my evolutionary mama bear CORE. Despite what my head knows to be true, I will forever hate these visits to the doctor's office.
Believing it to be the right decision doesn't make it any easier for this mama bear.