Dear friends

Dear friends,

OMG! You're pregnant! Yay! I'm so happy for you!

What a thrill ride you are embarking on! I don't know where to start! (You: How about you start by laying off of the exclamation points, mkay?)

People are probably throwing all kinds of crazy information/ideas/opinions at you. Sleep now, because you'll never sleep againnnnnnnn. So I'll try to spare you those worn out lines.

(But I'll fail.)

Of course, I am tempted to put together a little care package with -oh say- 43 of the most important baby items in my world. From "Happiest Baby on the Block" to Miracle Blankets to Snack Traps and everything in between, I think I know just the things you'll come to rely on, maybe even adore. One day, when you are thanking your lucky stars for that perfect kimono-style onesie, you'll remember just who gave it to you and say a silent prayer of gratitude for my deep wisdom. (Kimono-style onesies! They don't have to go over his/her head! Trust me, when the poop starts a-flowin', kimono style onesies are WHERE IT'S AT! I myself have actually cut a onesie off rather than taking it over my wee babe's head.)


But then I have to remind myself that we were given just such MUST HAVE items from other people and we never used at least half of them. I know my desire to throw a bunch of random baby products/books/advice at you is just hubris and ego and a potent desire to put the knowledge born of my blood, sweat and tears (not to mention other bodily fluids) to good use.

Your babies, your experiences, your choice of onesies, will reveal themselves in due time. We all have to figure it out for ourselves, to some extent.

I'm so excited for your visit! I promise I won't stare at you all moonie-eyed (lie) or tilt my head to the side and grin at random intervals (LIE) or spout aphorisms about sleeping when the baby sleeps (Notice all the crap about SLEEP YOU'LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!?)(Oh and LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.).

I will do my best to sit back and let you ask what you want to ask and not seem too eager to discuss baby names! Or recount my labor stories (PLURAL!) in excruciating detail! Or help you plan your entire Babies-R-Us registry!

I will hopefully keep my children from making you wish you weren't pregnant at all.

I will definitely remind you that I am always here if you ever need to talk. Then I will hand CG the stun gun and allow him to use it if when I suddenly start spouting off about BREASTPADS OMG LET'S TALK ABOUT BREASTPADS apropos of nothing in the middle of dinner.

I will remember to check up on you when the baby is about 5 weeks old and all the frozen friend-made casseroles are eaten and the family has gone back home and at least one of you is back to work and you're a tearful, hormonal roller coaster and you're still not sure how to get the baby to burp/sleep/nurse without making you want to die and a tiny little voice in your head says who decided having a baby would be a good idea anyway?

I want to tell you that being a parent will bring out the very best parts of you. The parts you are proudest of, the parts you will recognize when you see them in your child and make you positively SHINE from the inside out. But it will also bring out the darkest, worst, most-in-need-of-therapy parts of you. The parts you try to hide, disguise, wish away.

(Same is true for your partner. And your marriage. And, to some extent, your parents and families and friends.)

As you watch your child grow, you will probably revisit, even relive, all the good and bad parts of your childhood. Only this time, you will probably be able to see it all from several angles, with new lenses and different perspectives and more understanding of just how great/wrong/bizarre it was. Just what an ass you/your mother/your father was.

If you're scared, you should be. I know I'm only three years in but I'm convinced it's the hardest thing we'll ever do, raising another person.

If you're excited, you should be. I know I'm only three years in but I'm convinced it's the best thing we'll ever do, raising another person.

OMG! You're pregnant! Yay! I'm so happy for you!

Your friend,

Clueless But Hopeful Mama


Jane said...

Beautiful. Thank you!

Eleanor Q. said...

Hahahah. Yes. I have a friend who is pregnant with her first and I am SO EXCITED but I feel like I have to restrain myself everytime I talk to her lest I overwhelm/scare/totally go off the baby deep. I will admit that I did send her an excel spreadsheet with the basic stuff she will need in the first few months. In my defense she did ask for it, but still, I know. Cra-zy.

Fran said...

Well said!! And funny to boot :)

Hillary said...

so well stated -- especially the part about all figuring it out by ourselves. It's the honest to goodness truth.

Shelly said...

So very, very true.

Swistle said...

YES! I love this!

Michelle said...

Yes. This is perfect. I have a friend who is pregnant and I have to stop myself from rambling on and on and on about how my pregnancy was and what worked for us.
It's so hard though.

Tracy H. said...

Love this! I have a "facebook friend" who just had a baby and I have been literally cringing at all of the unsolicited assvice she has been getting on her facebook page, before and after the birth of her baby. I am sending her a link to this blog post, I think she'll get a kick out of it!

Sarah said...

So true! I have been gushing about all of these things at lunch with a friend who does not yet have children and I fear I'm discouraging her. But, it's the greatest undertaking I could have ever imagined.

Marie Green said...

As a doula this was a lesson I had to learn fast: it's THEIR experience. I don't get to give them all my knowledge. I just get to nurture them through THEIR experience, giving knowledge if and ONLY IF they ask.

Also, do you think we'll need to give ourselves this same talk when our kids are older? Like teens/young adults? Because we'll have SO MUCH wisdom that we want to give...

Astarte said...

Haha!!! It's so hard not to get WAY overexcited, isn't it!? Ohm!!!

Grateful Twin Mom said...

I'll have to remember to come back to this if and when my sister gets pregnant!

Cas said...

Awesome :)

bat7mess said...

I am reading this a week late, but WELL PUT. All of it.

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