I had to hold Z down so she could be catheterized last week and again for her kidney ultrasound on Monday. She's now on her second round of antibiotics to hopefully kill the UTI that WILL NOT DIE. (I'm rhymin' like Simon!).
Sweet Dog had to have a benign growth removed from her belly today and is now pathetically cowering in the corner with her elizabethan collar on.
I don't like that I have to make these decisions and be the one who inflicts pain and suffering (even when it's for their own good). I hate that I have so much power and responsibility sometimes. The consummate follower, I have never been comfortable being the one in charge. Perhaps I should have thought that through before deciding to have kids? I'm not the best at taking charge in my Mom role; I get all ostrichy and want to stick my head in the sand SO BADLY and just make someone else deal with it. (Which, as CG will attest, I often do).
I fret over every decision- We gave in and gave Z food before dinner yesterday because she was cranky and pissy and we had friends over and I was embarrassed and wanted her to BE QUIET. Have I now doomed us to a toddler-run dinner time for ever?
She looks at me sometimes lately, grins her defiant grin and I think, she KNOWS who's in charge and it's NOT me.
1 comment:
I'm a head-in-the-sander too.
Also, my default is typically DO NOTHING so that has been hard when as a parent you feel like you should DO SOMETHING.
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