Be There Now

Zoe, who just learned how to pump her legs on the big girl swings the other day (*sniffle*) but was unable to get onto the swings by herself, says "Maybe I can pull myself up onto the big girl swings when I get to Virginia. I can't wait to get to Virginia!"

At least once a week, CG and I consult July/August calendars and flight schedules and rejigger our plans for a vacation in Vermont/moving to Virginia.

Every time I buy something I think, will we use this up before we move? Or: where will this fit in our new house?

I troll the internet looking at new furniture for our new house that is roughly TWICE THE SIZE of our current one.

I lay in bed at night wondering when will be the last time I sleep in my bed, in this bedroom. Tonight? Tomorrow night? (After LB's arrival, I will be moving into the guest room with her until the move.)

I can't seem to be here, now. Restless, I find myself living in the future every single second.

So yesterday I got a massage. I tried to focus on my breathing and only my breathing.

In. Out. In. Out.

(When will the baby come? Can I really do this natural childbirth thing or should I stop selfishly making everyone revolve around me in uncertainty and just sign up for induction?)

In. Out. In. Out.

(What will Lima Bean look like/be like/sound like when she starts talking?)

In. Out. In. Out.

(Will I like anyone in Virginia? Will they like me?)

In. Out. In. Out.

(Have I read all I need to read about childbirth, infants, sibling preparation? Am I as ready as I can be?)

In. Out. In. Out.

In. Out. In. Out.



Kira said...

BIG HUGS. It will all work out! And how could anyone NOT love you? Silly girl, no need to worry about that!

kira said...

....that was in reply to, "(Will I like anyone in Virginia? Will they like me?)", in case that wasn't clear. You will find amazing people because amazing people find amazing people! xo

desperate housewife said...

Sounds like the massage did its job. I hope it also maybe stimulated baby to move on down! Hang in there awhile longer, girl- every time I hear about induction it sounds Pain. Ful. I mean, I totally get that the waiting phase is like a level of hell. I have been there. But if you can, hold out for the real thing!
...Is my completely unsolicited two cents.
And either way, big hugs! No matter what, there's going to be a BABY!

Hillary said...

I'm so excited for you and your family -- a new arrival and a new beginning somewhere else. I'm sure it won't be all sunshine and lollipops, but what an adventure.

Mrs. Chicken said...

It's hard to be in the moment when your future is so close and so far at the same time.

Thank you for reminding me to breathe, too.

My Buddy Mimi said...

I hope you enjoyed your nap!

Astarte said...

Oh, I think you're going to be fine in VA. Besides, you're going to be pretty babied-up, so you may not even notice for a long time!

I think you are as ready as you can ever be for something that is almost impossible to plan for entirely and that will probably arrive when you are least expecting it (so to speak). You're going to do great.

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