5/17/09

Expectations

I have/had many friend who had trouble getting pregnant in their mid-late thirties. I was told by several gynecologists that I would probably have problems conceiving a child at any age due to my wacky, super-late-to-start, always irregular periods as well as procedures I had done 15 years ago to remove precancerous cervical cells. Both times, I was convinced we didn't need to be super careful because I would have trouble getting pregnant and would need to really "try".

I got pregnant BOTH TIMES without starting to "try" yet.

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I was told by my OB, my doula, my friends with more than one kid, STRANGERS AT THE GROCERY STORE that second births come early. To be prepared weeks ahead of time.

I am now officially 12 days late. If you go by MY count (My OB didn't care about my conception date and went by the size of Lima Bean at the 6 week ultrasound. Um, dude, I was there and I'm pretty sure I know when the one time is that we didn't use the child proof lid, if you know what I mean), I'm actually more like 18 days late.

My mom leaves on a plane on Thursday morning (after pushing her plans back a day), she has to get back to my dad who's going through the last round of chemo, and my OB will insist on induction on Wednesday if Lima Bean isn't here by then.

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They say to walk. I've been walking. Twice a day. Last night I waddled by our neighbor's house and acted as some seriously good visual birth control for the amassed high school seniors headed off to prom. As her tuxedoed teenage son opened a plastic box with a corsage in it and pinned it on his girlfriend while eyeing me nervously, she exclaimed "That baby STILL hasn't come out yet?!".

I've seen an acupuncturist way out in the valley twice in the last few days and will probably see her again tomorrow. The needles she stuck in my feet, sacrum and ears are supposed to bring on contractions and help the baby descend. Contractions, some. Descent, NO. She's still high, possibly stuck facing the wrong way in my pelvis, just like Zoe was. The acupuncturist said I may be one of those women who are meant to hold pregnancies longer than average. Maybe by my body's cycle, I'm not even "overdue" yet. Maybe my metabolism, my genetics, my pelvic alignment, my stressful week last week are all colliding to keep me from going into labor. I need to relax, let her come when she's ready. Not be so focused on the "due date".

It's so hard to not go to some dark mental places. Like: perhaps my body just doesn't work right. I'm not meant to have babies. I would have been one of those women who died in childbirth 100 years ago with a baby stuck in my pelvis for days who can't seem to find her way out.

I have the name and number of a foot reflexologist who's supposed to work wonders and brings on the labors of celebrities all the time.

I know I am running out of options when I'm considering spending yet more money on something that is supposed to WORK WONDERS and yet feels like pointless hocus pocus. Might as well drive to the Caioti Pizza Cafe and get their famous labor induction salad. What's left to try??

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We will induce with Pitocin, the one thing I hoped to avoid all along, on Tuesday if Lima Bean doesn't find her way out on her own before then.

I would really, really, REALLY like her to find her way out on our own before then.

12 comments:

Kathi McCracken Dente said...

I am so sorry this has been such a long road for you. It does get so frustrating at the end when it drags out. I just can't believe you will be induced the day before MY due date. I have no indication as of now that this one will beat Lima Bean out into the world. Though, these girls could be just days apart (which would be fun) or I guess I could be 2 weeks late as well. Thanks for keeping us posted. We will be sending happy birthing vibes. Go Lima Bean, you can do it!

Ali said...

Ok. I am delurking just to say that I have long pregnancies that have actually gotten longer with each child (almost, the fourth was a day or two earlier than the third child). Your baby is not 'late' as a normal pregnancy is between 37 and 42 weeks and anything within this range is normal. Have you tried clary sage oil? You can mix it with a carrier oil and massage into your belly or burn it in an oil burner. It has quite a strong herby odour but I don't mind it. It will definitely set your uterus contracting, which may help stimulate labour. Sending you all the best birthing vibes I can muster.

desperate housewife said...

Oh honey... Here's hoping that silly baby finds her way down the birth canal on her own! I really hope you don't have to go the Pitocin route, but if it becomes inevitable, just know that you gave "natural" birth your best shot, and, as the saying goes, sometimes we don't get what we want, but you just might get what you need.
Also, I SO get that feeling of "maybe my body is broken" and "maybe I'm really bad at this pregnancy thing." And I always just try to remember that my body is not ME. It's just a tool I use to get around and do stuff. And sometimes it doesn't behave itself, but it's not reflective of ME as a mom.
Sending you labor dust the next few days!

bat7mess said...

OMG you poor thing :( I'm sure you have tried EVERYTHING already, but 2 things come to mind: bouncing on the yoga ball and being adjusted by a chiropractor. Both of these can help her descend. I hope she comes SOON.

Kathleen said...

Hey, Jen. Sending you so much love and a lot of GROUNDING, GRAVITY, DESCENDING vibes. Does laughing really hard help? Either way, watch one of your favorite funny movies for me. Love, K

Hillary said...

Sending good thoughts of a quick birth your way.

artemisia said...

Oh, I can only imagine how frustrating this must be. I hope you won't feel too disappointed if you end up having to use Pitocin; you will still be the one who carried this girl and birthed her, regardless!

I tend to think you body and the baby will know what to do, and that doctors get a bit meddlesome sometimes. I wish they would let you have a few more days.

I am thinking of you, and sending birthing vibes your way!

My Buddy Mimi said...

We'll be thinking of you.

Eleanor Q. said...

Oh, how I hope things work out as you would like them too. Wishing you (two) a fast and easy road ahead.

parkingathome said...

I'm so sorry you've had to hold the baby soooo much longer than you were prepared to do. You're in my thoughts! I'm thinking happy dilation thoughts for you!

Erin said...

Oh sweetie, I AM SORRY. You are one tough woman with enormous, unbelievable patience. I hope the Bean comes on her own TODAY.

If not, I just wanted to say that I got induced with both my boys and it was fine. It was great. It was perfect. IF that happens, try not to fear. I know it's not what you wanted, but it still can be okay.

Come ON, Lima Bean!

belinda said...

Ah, my dear- I so agree with everyone who says that your body and baby Bean know best, and unless there is a medical reason to induce or you are just so uncomfortable that you can't stand it, then why? Modern medicine is a wonderful thing, but it does hav e its time and place.

Everytime there is a pause in your posting I hope that it is because you have gone to the hospital to welcome Bean, and that it is on her terms. Yet the way you write- you sound as if you have somehow failed if you induce, that your body doesn't work right, you would have been "one of those women" etc etc.

Well- maybe. Maybe not. If so, then thank your choice of higher power that you live in this time. This is where modern medicine shines its beauty. Yes, there are many women alive today who would have died in childbirth 100 years ago. There are also many people with transplanted hearts, bypass grafts, type I diabetes on daily insulin- you see my point.

Obviously your body was meant to have babies- you said it yourself, look how easily you got preggers both times, when everyone said you wouldn't!

Maybe Bean just likes it in there. Its warm and soft and dark, and all of her needs are cared for. All she has to do is kick you and you will do what she wants. I wouldn't want to come out. Hell, if you think that belleh might stretch to accomodate a 5'9" adult, I might be interested in taking a little vacation someday...

At this point it is probably all moot, but remember what someone else said- you are the one who carried and grew that little girl. Even if she needs a little encouragement to get out here, that's nothing compared to all that you have done.

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