5/13/09

Now

Dear Lima Bean,

I know, I know, I can't seem to make up my mind. (Welcome! I'll be your crazy mother for this [hopefully] long, blissfully happy life of yours! Sorry you didn't get someone a little more sane!)

A few weeks ago, I was all "NO NO NO. NOT NOW. Now is too soon, I'm not ready, so just stay put. NOT NOW."

Then last week, I suddenly changed my tune to "NOW! How about NOW! NOW would be a really good time! Don't you like the sound of 5/7/09 as a numerically perfect birthday?? How about you cooperate and come while your grandparents are still here so they get some payoff for their weeks of waiting patiently?"

Then the last few days I've been terrified of you coming NOW. Zoe, my first baby, has been so sick and we've all been a bit terrified. Your father had to take her to Urgent Care last night and get some fluids in her and she's still not better and we're a little scared and tired and worried and, well, now doesn't sound so good.

Last night I started having some fairly regular contractions and I held my breath and then let it out and willed myself to sleep. I woke up this morning with shockingly little to report, just a few contractions here and there.

I know that you will come when you're ready, at least that's what everyone's telling me. And I know that there is no perfect time.

I'm sorry for jerking you around. I hope you come on your own, sometime soon and that your sister is well enough for me to stop freaking out.

I will work on being ready for that NOW.

Love,

Your Clueless But Hopeful Mama

5 comments:

artemisia said...

I am so sorry that Zoe still isn't feeling well. I do hope she mends soon.

It will all work out. And if it is crazy - well, it will make a really great birth story, yes?

Mrs. Chicken said...

Sending get-well vibes to your girl.

Astarte said...

Oh, kisses and hugs to you all. I hope she feels better soon!!!!

If it makes you feel any better at all, this happens to my nephew just about every time he gets sick - dehydration no matter how hard they try (and, I mean, you can't FORCE a kid to drink), hospital trips, the whole thing. SO, you're not alone, and I don't think it's actually too uncommon at all. I'm not minimizing, just trying to make you feel better!!!!

xox

Kathleen said...

Oh, Jen, your plate has been so RELENTLESSLY FULL lately! It just doesn't seem fair. You are doing an amazing job of hanging in there and constantly re-finding the place you want to act from - one of kindness and clarity and openness and love. Did you ever take dance classes with Rachel Lampert at Vassar? She always talked about balance in dancing as something you find over and over again, in every moment, not something you find and "have." Holy zen lessons from dance that you are enacting every moment. LOVE and HEALTH to all of you!

Swistle said...

I am so. excited.

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