A few weeks ago, before our Hawaii trip, Zoe was playing in the play tent that has taken over our living room. It was after dinner and both CG and I were approaching the tent when Zoe proclaimed "NO DADDY. JUST MOMMY."
We stood there stunned.
So she repeated it, emphatically. "GO 'WAY DADDY. JUST MOMMY."
And both our hearts shattered into tiny pieces on the living room floor.
CG left the room to the chorus of "NOOOOO DADDY". I told Zoe how sad we both were to hear her say that, that I was so sad I didn't want to play and that I needed to go ask Daddy if he was okay. Our reaction may have been a bit overwrought but it was true to how we felt.
Let a new painful stage of parenting begin.
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Last week, Zoe and I went to our favorite coffee house with my dear friend K. K and I drank our tea and chatted while Zoe had the play area all to herself for awhile.
Then the big girls came. Three of them, maybe 4 years old. And Zoe wanted to play with them, cozying up to them on the stools in her most friendly way: yelling "MY STOOL!". Surprise, surprise, they didn't want to play with her and told her so. I decided not to intervene since Zoe wasn't looking for my help and seemed pretty okay with it all. I want her to figure out how to manage these social interactions on her own a bit and since I normally am more of a helicopter-type mom, feeding her suggestions and guiding her decisions, I decided to hang back.
Zoe finally gave up on sitting near them and found a magnetic puzzle thing to play with (the kind where you guide a metal ball through a maze with the attached magnetic sticks). One of the girls came over and took the stick out of her hand. Zoe started her usual neutron dance, feet stomping, mouth wailing and then stopped and said "MY TURN! NOT FINISHED!" which is exactly what I've been trying to get her to say in such instances. The girl was startled and gave her back the stick. Zoe stood there for a long minute and then reached for the other stick attached to the puzzle and GAVE IT TO HER.
And my heart exploded into the proudest little pieces of Mommy heart that ever existed.
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Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease, while not a barfing sickness and therefore not the worst illness that can befall a household, certainly appears to SUCK. This week Zoe was UBER fussy and whiny. She wanted to eat and clearly needed something to raise her blood sugar out of the basement but she "CAN'T EAT!" because there are sores in her mouth that hurt (or so I gather from the loud whining and pointing to her mouth). So all previous careful parenting choices went out the window. You want ice cream? At 11 am? SURE! Cookies? As dinner? If you will eat them and stop whining, WHY NOT?
After a few days with her like this, I was not the mother I want to be. All patience was gone. All creativity and empathy and energy were drained.
Monday she was whining and not making sense and I would have given my left pinky for a few minutes of quiet. She wanted the "BABY! IN STROLLER" but after I helped her put the baby in the stroller (seemed like the obvious thing to do, no?) the neutron dance started up again with the foot stomping and the wailing and the end of the universe.
CG was walking towards us as I knelt down in front of her and said through gritted teeth: "Zoe. What. do. YOU. WANT?!?!?!" . He raised his eyebrows and said gently "you okay?".
My wild eyes and "I think I'm losing it" were all he needed to know.
Yet another to add to the "Not So Proud Mommy Moments" column.
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Zoe wakes up from a nap, greeting me with a "I missed you Mommy" and reaches for me. I kiss her cheek and tell her I missed her too. We cuddle in bed for a while and during a silent moment, she leans into me and kisses me on the mouth, then nuzzles my nose. "LIKE CORDUROY!" she says, reminding me of a scene from a current favorite book.
Later we sit on the couch and play with our toes. She tells me her big toe is the "MOMMY TOE" and the little ones are the "BABIES". I ask her if she is a baby or a big girl and she says "Mommy's baby".
I kiss her forehead and tell her that even when she's a big girl she will always be Mommy's baby.
2 comments:
Oh, how this all sounds so normal and so very familiar. Good job on letting Zoe work it out with the older kids. That's my standard mode of operation around here, and usually it works out great.
Marin (20 months) sounds like she would get along great with Zoe! If I ask her if she's a baby she says, vigirously "No. Me toddwer." Heee.
phoebe fell FLAT on her face (one of MANY MANY MANY this month) in the hall. bloody lip, rug burn on her chin. I said "popsicle?" she said "yes, pop please".
well she ate 2 popsicles and 2 yobaby yogurts for dinner. (dinner of champions)
today she slid while trying to climb her new 'big girl chair' and landed on her bum. "Pop please" she said.
funny how smart these little buggers are.
oh and don't worry to much about the "daddy diss" it will come and go minute by minute, and there are days when daddy is the star and mommy is 2nd fiddle, in this house, but daddy needs his star days too so i can't get too depressed. ;)
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