Can the Paci Fairy bring me a stiff drink while she's at it?

I've heard that moms have a really hard time letting go of their baby's babyhood. I didn't get that.

Till now, of course.

I was so excited to get past the those first two months of no sleep, deafening screams, and explosive, unpredictable poops. I couldn't wait for Zoe to smile, move around, start to explore. I had some sadness around weaning Zoe but not much. Every milestone, every new skill has been pretty darned exciting.

But lately, I find that my actual mental picture of Zoe still looks something like this:



or maybe more like this:


Sometimes I truly see her suddenly after not seeing her for a moment and I catch my breath. WHO IS THIS HUGE CHILD and what did they do with my BABY?


So much has changed in just the last few months. Zoe's been sitting on the potty several times a day "like BIG GIRL" (a big girl who apparently needs 112 sheets of toilet paper for even the excrement-free visits to the potty). She's talking up a storm and can reliably find words, sentences even, to express herself. She no longer uses bibs or her high chair. Even her booster has been relegated to the outer corners of the dining room. She's frequently insists that I allow her to "do BY SELF" and reminds me that since she's almost a "big girl" this means she will soon be allowed chewing gum.

(oops.)

Today we will visit the dentist. Zoe loves her Dora book about it(Show Me Your Smile) and she's officially THRILLED about the concept of going to the dentist. (Am I being overly pessimistic to assume that the REALITY of going the dentist may not be quit so thrilling?)

Those who read every post with great attention (Hi Mom!) may remember that we decided to use the dentist visit to prompt a final goodbye to Zoe's beloved pacis. I've had mixed feelings about this. Zoe has few attachments, the pacis are really IT and they are only in her crib these days. But I know they are affecting her teeth and I know that she is old enough to not NEED to suck like a true, little baby does. It's a comforting habit that I'm hoping we can break in a few short days, with a visit from the - I can't believe I'm writing this- Paci Fairy (GAG).

We've told Zoe that the Paci Fairy will take her pacis on Saturday morning while we're at the farmer's market and give them to little babies who need them. In return said fairy will leave Zoe a present (probably a stuffed animal and new blanket in the hopes that she can and will attach to something else to help her sleep, something that does not cause problems that require expensive orthodonture to fix.)

When we reviewed this little narrative with her this morning, Zoe got very excited and raced around her room finding all her pacis and putting them in a ziploc she found. We told her that it wasn't time yet and reminded her that on Saturday they were going away FOR EVER. She frowned deeply and whimpered "Say bye-bye pacis make Zoe SAD". My heart dropped slightly and I started to mentally backpedal. Maybe she could have them through the summer. Maybe she'll eventually decide she doesn't like them all on her own and I'm robbing her of that oppertunity. Maybe I'm rushing this whole thing.

Then she raced out of her room carrying the bag of pacis, yelling "Paci Fairy! Paci Fairy! Here my pacis!"

Hopefully the reality of saying goodbye to the pacis will be as easy as the concept.